You Asked, I Answered - The Recipe

Many of you have asked for the recipe for the cheese soup shown in my Perfect for a Rainy Fall Evening post. What kind of blog friend would I be if I didn't oblige? Know right now that this recipe is not an exact science. It is one of those "add things until it looks right" recipes. Without further ado, I give you the recipe and directions.

1. I usually start by cutting up about 15 or so small carrots (the kind that come pre-peeled in a bag). This number does not include what ends up going to the dogs as it flies off the cutting board onto the floor. I suppose there ends up being about a cup or less of carrots when I'm done.
2. Next, I peel and cut up about 4-5 medium potatoes. I end up with somewhere around 2-3 cups of potatoes. Also not including what I donate to the dogs.
3. I usually cut up celery and onions as well. I have discovered over the years that it is best to saute these items for a bit to help them soften quicker in the pot. I saute them in butter until they are on the verge of turning clear. You don't want to saute them for too long, as you want them to soak up the cheesy flavor.
4. I like to add frozen peas and corn. I usually add the peas about an hour or so before we eat the soup, as my mother always told me if I added them in at the beginning they would fall apart and disappear before you were ready to eat it.
5. Combine all of the veggies in a pot, slow cooker, or whatever you desire to cook in. The best is something that you can cook it on a low heat for a few hours. This gives the veggies time to soak up the broth. Add enough water to the pot to just cover the veggies.
6. I then add all of my favorite spices. You can add what suits you, but you should add some chicken bouillon as well as salt and pepper. I usually put in some oregano, sage, crushed red pepper, and anything else that smells like it would go well in the soup that night. Feel free to experiment here. I do.
7. Now for the part I always hate, making the cheese sauce. Add about 3-4 tablespoons of butter into a pan and melt it. Don't turn the heat up too high. Once the butter has melted, start adding flour while stirring constantly to prevent lumps. Add flour until the combination is like cookie dough. Then add about 1/2-1 cup of milk, stirring constantly to prevent lumps. The mixture should be thick, like a heavy gravy.
8. Now add about 1/2-3/4 of a 15 oz jar of Cheez Wiz, depending on how cheesy you want the soup. I suppose you could substitute Velveeta if you desire. Now stir like a crazy woman. Warning: You arm WILL get sore. :) Stir until all of the contents in the pan are smooth and thick.
9. Pour the cheese mixture into your vegetable pot and stir, stir, stir, until all of the lumps are gone, and the mixture is smooth.
10. Turn on the heat to a low setting. If you were doing this on a stove, I would think medium heat or just below would suffice. In a crock pot, set it to half way between low and high.
11. The hard work is done. Stir the mixture every now and then and take in the delicious aroma. Taste test every hour or so to ensure the veggies are cooking and everything tastes great.
12. When ready, and if desired, heat up some brown and serve rolls.
13. Dish up your soup, butter your roles, and enjoy!

The best part is the leftovers always heat well and go down just as good the second time. We're actually having our leftovers tonight. :)

Enjoy!

Perfect for a Rainy Fall Evening

All right my few and faithful readers, it is time for something a little less serious. I don't want this blog to be only about dealing with life's crap. I want it to be about the good things too. So tonight I bring you one of my all-time favorite things, the making of cheese soup.

My mother made cheese soup a lot when I was growing up because I loved it so much. There was nothing like a hot bowl of the soup made from scratch on a chilly fall or winter day. It was such a treat. I remember how my mom would cook it for hours in a crock pot, and I would snitch a taste every now and then to make sure it was all coming together nicely. I still do that because it is tradition!

When I was in college I made it for my roommates, and when we had guys over, it was the entree of choice. I have yet to find a person who doesn't love it and request it when possible. When I met DH and made it for him the first time, he was skeptical that a soup could fill him up. He was hooked after his first taste. Now, like I did when I was a kid, he gets all excited when I make it.

I knew yesterday that Wednesday was supposed to be rainy and cold, so I told DH I would prep the soup on Tuesday night and we would have it for dinner the next day. Complete with fresh, warm rolls. Right according to plan, the temps dropped off 10 degrees in a matter of an hour, and the ominous rain clouds that have been hanging around since Monday became threatening.

Weather that is perfect for some cheese soup!

I had let the dogs out to play for a bit, but after they did their biz, they were ready to come back in and catch any carrots or potatoes that fell off the cutting board.


My dogs are conditioned to the sound of my chopping veggies, and so are always at my feet when I do. First up, I sauteed onions and cut the carrots.

The crock pot patiently waits, as DH's first love, pecan pie, looks on in the background.

Next, its potatoes.


I usually add celery, but we didn't have any. Then I added frozen corn and peas. Then it was time to add the spices.


Then comes the part I don't like so much, making the cheese base. You have to be quick on your toes while making the base and stir like a crazy woman the whole time to keep it from turning clumpy like bad gravy.


Then you mix the cheese base in with the veggies, and cook. This is the soup before it was cooked.


I would show you the finished product, but it is in the fridge, waiting for tomorrow. Trust me when I say it looks amazing and smells even better. DH and I can't wait to dig in tomorrow!

Sass Gave Me an Award!

The ever fantastic Sass from Secret Life of Sass and Lex has wonderfully bestowed the following award on me. Thanks Sass!


The rules are that I must write 10 things about me that my readers don't already know. This ought to be juicy! Here we go:

1. All right friends, the cat is out of the bag. I've been wanting to admit this for some time, since I am crap at keeping secrets. This is actually my secondary blog. I created the Return to Innonce blog because everyone IRL has my other blog address and there are some things going on in my life that I don't want them to know about, like my PPD. I hide it well on the surface, but needed an outlet that didn't involve me confessing going to a shrink or taking antidepressants to people I know. I never post the same post on both blogs, and I don't follow any of the same blogs on either site, but my posting content does criss cross. If you figure out which other blog is mine, I will definitely let you know it is me. :) (It also participates in ICLW.)
2. I played trumpet for 10 years and was really good at it. I played because my grandpa played for 40 years during the Big Band Era, and had his own dance band. My dad played for 7 years, and my little brother played for 4. I was pretty decent at it, and it was actually how I paid for most of my college education. I LOVED it. I AM a band geek.
3. I love the TV show Skins. My husband got me hooked on it half way through the current season, and now I crave it. The bummer is the season finale is this week. I've contemplated buying it on DVD.
4. I think my husband is the most incredible, intelligent man in the world. He is so caring and compassionate. His memory retention astounds me. I love watching him interact with our daughter. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about how grateful I am I was able to make him a daddy.
5. I have trained 8 dogs in my 30 years of life; 4 Shelties, 1 Australian Shepherd, and 3 Border Collies.
6. I love cats and grew up always having cats. One day in my early 20s I was all of a sudden allergic to them. I had two cats before I got married, and they still live with my parents. I live thousands of miles away from them now, but my boys still love me when I do get to go home.
7. My husband taught me how to cook after we got married. I don't claim to be a gourmet yet, but I do make some mean enchiladas, stuffed shells, and chicken. I get great pleasure out of DH telling me how delicious my meals are. If he says its good, it was good.
8. I love to vacuum. It brings me a sick sense of pleasure. I recently mowed the lawn and discovered it feels just like vacuuming. Only it's harder, takes longer, and makes me sweat more. But I get the same sense of pleasure out of it.
9. I put my foot in my mouth more often than I would like.
10. I love Tex Mex and guacamole. I make some seriously awesome guac, and I just can't get enough.

Now it is my turn to tag a few people. If you're up to it and you read this post, I tag:

1. Jill at Hubby, Baby, and Me... Would Make 3
2. Life Happens
3. Anyone else who feels like being awarded!

Don't Tell me To RELAX

When DH and I first met, I was warned about his mother. He did not like her and had not liked her for the majority of his life. He told me many stories about what she was like over the years. My personal favorite was the one about how she had a picture of him at the age of 3, high of her second-hand pot smoke. The picture was taken because she thought it was so funny. That right there should tell you all you need to know about her ability to parent. The best thing she ever did for my sweetie was to dump him at his grandparent's house and run away for 4 years of his life when he turned 2. His grandparents are very fine, upstanding people with high morals and values. They taught him how to be a man.

When DH and I started dating, she was married to his step-dad. In the two and a half months DH and I were engaged she asked for and got a divorce, moved to Mexico to start a business, went bust, moved back home, and started living in a motel. Classy.

I tolerated the woman until after DH and I were married, and then I tried to ignore her the best I could. She lived in the motel for about 6 months and then started to mooch off of friends. She would go "visit" them for as long as they could tolerate her and kick her out. So she went, burning bridges all along the way. She emailed me one day and said that she wanted to come stay with us for two or more weeks. I laughed and told her there was no way in hell. We told her she was welcome for one weekend, and then she had to be on her way to ruining her next friendship. She tried to book her ticket out to our house, and it conveniently spanned the week of our first wedding anniversary.

DH finally put his foot down himself (instead of telling me to tell her off) and told her she absolutely, positively could NOT be around for our first anniversary. She tried to play my sweetness into relenting. I told her absolutely not as well. She said she figured that we would go somewhere for our anniversary and she could stay at our house while we were gone. I informed her we had no plans of going anywhere that weekend, and she was to be gone no later than 24 hours before our anniversary.

It was after our first anniversary that we started undergoing infertility treatments. When she caught wind of this, she began sending me emails explaining why I was having such a hard time. They included subjects like, "Being overweight can cause infertility." I weighed 113 lbs. "Drinking too much can cause infertility." I don't drink, never have. She knows this. "Drinking too much coffee can cause infertility." I don't drink coffee either, never have. She knows this. So yes, her emails were sent to be just plain rude. But then she would turn her puppy eyes to my husband and tell him that I was too sensitive, that she was only trying to help. He told her to back off. He knew better. He had already told her off about similar emails she would constantly send me telling me about all of the soldiers killed in Iraq while my brother was deployed there.

Next, she would IM me and tell me that I needed to relax to get pregnant. Every time she would communicate with me, she would end it with, "Relax!" It started to really chap my damn hide. Then one day we were in town and decided to take her to dinner for her birthday. It was the last time I would see her for a couple of years. Her last words to me that night were, "RELAX!" Finally I had had enough. I told her that relaxing would not solve our infertility, that we were almost positive there was a medical reason, and that her telling me to relax implied that she felt I was so uptight I was preventing myself from ovulating every month. She then told me that she never had any desire to be a grandmother, to which I replied, "Works for me! We'll tell our kids you don't exist."

In the end, it did turn out our reasons for infertility were medical. I had pretty extensive endometriosis as well as PCOS. No amount of relaxing would fix either of those problems. I just want to rub her nose in it for being so ignorant and insensitive. I want her to realize she doesn't know everything, and that her form of "support" is uncalled for.

It would make me feel worse if she only did these things to me, but I recently found out she did them to her sister as well. While her sister was fighting breast cancer and going through chemo, my BIL (Bit**-in-law) sent her emails similar to the ones I received, only about cancer. "Drinking too much alcohol causes cancer." "Being overweight causes cancer." Does being an insensitive waste of a person cause cancer? Because if it does, my BIL ought to go get checked out ASAP.

I realize this post makes me sound angry, but I'm really not anymore. I am still anoid and will be every time I have to see her or communicate with her, but I'm letting the rage go. Now that I am officially seeing a shrink, I am getting all of the bad vibes out and letting them go for good. I don't need to carry this junk anymore. While this woman may, very unfortunately for me, be the grandmother of my daughter, I don't need to carry around her baggage anymore. So this is the end of it.

Feeling Chamelion

Have you ever had those days where it seemed like your mood directly mirrored that of any person you were around? Like if the person in your presence was really happy, you were really happy too. If they were really depressed, you were really depressed too. Well, I've been having that kind of day for the last two days. Its like I don't know how I feel, but whenever I'm around someone, I feel the same way they do. The thing that is really odd, is that I am picking up on everyone's emotions. Even complete strangers I pass with my grocery cart in the store. Is there a name for this phenomenon? Is it anything like reading someone's aura?

To be honest, I don't really like it, especially when I end up being in the proximity of someone who is unhappy. I also don't like not being able to predict what mood I will be in within the next 5 minutes. I'm not sure what is causing it, or why it is hanging around for more than a day, but I kind of wish it would stop. It is truly odd, and I don't remember the last time this happened.

Maybe I am just really tired lately and need to get more sleep. I will just blame it on that.

On that note, I am off to bed. At last!

The Last Two Sessions

So my last two sessions with the shrink have been a big let down. In retrospect, I think I may be setting the bar a little high for what I expect to accomplish each session. I guess its because I walked out of my first two sessions thinking, "I'm cured! Its a miracle!" that every consequent session would be the same. But it is not to be.

At my session last week I discussed my issues with my mother, hoping for tools to help me mend a relationship gone horribly wrong since my youth. In fact, when my dad told my mom I was going to a shrink her response was, "I'm going to get it." You would think she was saying that because she knew she had done some damage over the years, but no, not at all. It was right in line with her Poor, Poor Pitty Me attitude. "I'm going to get it. Everything is going to be my fault. She's going to blame me for everything." That was very disappointing. Expected, but disappointing all the same. It would be nice if the woman could for once acknowledge that our relationship is the way it is because of the way she has treated me over the years.

I don't want to get off on a Mommy Hates Me tangent, so I digress. While the session did yield some interesting thoughts that had never crossed my mind, I did not walk out thinking the world had been set to right. I tried not to let it bother me and told myself that the session was more of giving the shrink some back story so we could get down to the nitty gritty later. I did appreciate when she told me I had a definite emotional wall up against my mother because it was necessary to my survival. The question is, how do I break down the wall now? I got nothing in the way of answers.

Today I wasn't sure what we would talk about because I have been feeling a lot better the last couple of weeks thanks to my spiffy new anti-depressants. They have made me down right giddy to breathe. Everything makes me happy since I started taking them. So I figured we should go back to the infertility issue. The whole reason I was really there in the first place. I want those skeletons out of my closet and I want them gone for good.

I laugh when I think about the session because I walked in in a great mood. I didn't think I would get emotional or that I would cry, but bringing up thoughts and feelings from my treatment days and the thought of having to go through it again made me cry. I expressed all of my fears for the future and why I felt that way. I told her what happened in the past and why it was so traumatic, how it all made me feel. I told her I wanted the tools necessary to combat those feelings and emotions if it took us a while to get pg, if we had to go through treatments again, or God forbid, we get pregnant and lose it. I didn't get what I asked for. Instead, I walked out of the session feeling depressed. For the first time it felt like my happy pills were letting me down. I was down the whole rest of the day to the point that I wondered if I should call my doctor and ask him to increase my dose.

At one point the shrink asked a question that brought such anger into me that it shocked me. I told her that I wanted the tools to be able to cope if I had a miscarriage. I have good reason to think it is a possibility. She then asked me what I would do if I did miscarry. I wonder what expression I had on my face when she asked that. Inside I was thinking, "What the hell do you think I would do?!" My mouth said, "I'd bawl my eyes out for a few freaking weeks!" Yes, I said "freaking."

Like I said, I went in in a great mood and left depressed. Isn't that kind of backwards?

I talked to a friend who has been to see a shrink before and asked her about her experience, if she ever walked out feeling like nothing got resolved and the session was a waste. She replied, "All of the time. That's why I quit going." Yeah, I get that. We talked about it a bit and realized our expectations were probably a little high. You can't have an epiphany every time. Sometimes you go in to give back story to work things out later.

I will give it another month, and if I don't feel we're making progress in those two specific areas, I think I will call it quits. But it does make me wonder if the reason I'm doing so well is the combination of happy pills and therapy.... Hmmm....

Crazy Dog Lady Part 2

It is time for part 2 of our Crazy Dog Lady story. If you didn't catch part 1, scroll down a bit in the blog and read it for the back story.

The day after my first run in with CDL, I decided to take the dogs and baby out for a walk again. This time Mags was being a little bad, so I decided to leash her shortly into the walk. I have a leash splitter that turns one leash into two, which I was using this night. DH did not join me, but caught up to us shortly after we turned around to head home. A few minutes after we met on the trail, I looked up and saw CDL come around a bend on the trail. I KNEW she wouldn't be able to keep her yap shut. Sure enough, "Oh for pete's sake. Will you please put your dog on a leash?!" I was seriously irritated, and coldly replied, "She IS on a leash." All the while not making eye contact to keep from wanting to lunge at her. She repeated, "Will you PLEASE put your dog on a leash!" I looked up, made eye contact, and raised my voice, "She IS on a leash!!"

DH knew that I had been having a really rough week and interjected to keep me from pummeling CDL. This was the first week I had been to see the shrink, and was before I got my prescription for happy pills. I was totally at rock bottom on this day and had zero emotional capacity to deal with this woman. He politely explained the leash splitter and why Mags wasn't always on a leash. She then began to explain herself by saying her dog didn't like it when other dogs weren't on leashes and it tended to make him misbehave. I bit my tongue and kept walking to keep from telling her SHE was the moron, not her dog. Her dog had no idea how to discern if another dog was on a leash or not, especially if it kept to itself. If her dog was having issues, it was because she was passing her neuroses down the leash to him.

Shortly after getting home I took my dogs out to a green area near our house to play ball and run out some of their excess energy. A few minutes into the game CDL came around the corner and pronounced, "Oh for God's sake! WILL YOU PLEASE PUT YOUR DOGS ON A LEASH!"

DH was not around to save her this time, and I had absolutely had it.

I yelled back that I didn't have a leash, as I was playing ball with my dogs. 6-foot leads are NOT conducive to playing fetch. She then yelled at me and asked how she was supposed to get home. I dunno you moron, by walking down the alleyway 20 feet behind me? At this point I had boiled over. I turned and yelled at her, "If your dog can't behave well enough to go on walks even when he's on a leash, then you need to learn how to be a responsible dog owner and get him trained! The reason my dogs behave is because I have spent thousands of dollars in dog training!"

Of course, she wasn't going down without a fight, and screamed at me the entire time she was walking down the alleyway 20 feet behind me. She told me that I was really nice picking a fight with a neighbor, to which I replied, "Likewise! YOU started this, not me!" Her reply was that she had asked a simple request of me, to which I replied her request was ridiculous. She then threatened to call the pound on me. I told her to go right ahead, and that I would call them right back on her since her dog obviously could not behave and that I was not doing anything wrong.

The entire time we were fighting do you know what my dogs were doing? Laying in the grass next to me, their eyes GLUED to the ball in my hand. They didn't give two figs about her or her stupid dog. Why? BECAUSE MY DOGS ARE WELL TRAINED!

Once she had walked past and shut her yap, I pulled my phone out of the stroller compartment and called DH. I was so angry I was shaking. CDL turned around and glared at me while I called him. She watched me the entire time she was walking down the alley and flipped me the bird just as she went around a corner. I put my hands up in a gesture that implied, "What do you want from me? Grow up."

DH came out right away and was just as pissed off as I was about the whole thing. He said, "I bet Mags and Sades didn't even notice her or her dog, did they?" Nope.

A few days later I was out in the same area playing ball with my dogs. I had turned to talk to my daughter while she was in her stroller and when I looked up CDL was walking down the alleyway right across from us. I quickly looked away and ignored her, but smiled to myself because she had to walk up that alleyway while watching my dogs take turns getting the ball. How many people do you know that have two dogs that take turns playing fetch? While one runs, the other lays down at my feet and waits. I thought to myself, "Ha! Stick that in your back pocket you old bag! Now you've seen my dogs behaving."

We have run into each other a couple times since the incident, but we just ignore each other. I really have no desire to get into another match with her. I didn't want the first one, but I just could not handle a complete stranger feeling like she was entitled to push me around over some neurotic need she had in her head to control everything in her environment.

CDL, if you ever come across this blog, please do the world a favor and get in to see a shrink shortly after enrolling your cocker in dog school. I can attest to the fact that happy pills really do work. You should consider getting on some.

Thus ends my Crazy Dog Lady story. I hope it brought you as much laughter as it has all of my friends, family, and coworkers. I hope that you do not think ill of me for this incident. I really am a kind and generous person. I just have no patience for rude people.