Monday, May 3, 2010

Never Mind

There's a part of me, granted a big part of me, that likes to believe there is some good in all people. I believe that most people crave the comfort and attention of others. Without that need, we would not be fit for this planet. It is instinct. A need for survival. Without it, people go literally insane. Everyone needs to feel loved and appreciated by someone. I don't think anyone deserves to be alone. Not completely alone.

Last week I went to the store to buy Mother's Day cards for my mom. One from me, and one from the Munchkin. Before I even pulled up to the store, my internal battle was going on. Do I get one for my MIL (aka BIL -- and no, the B does not stand for "brother") or not? Normally my answer is a resounding "HELL NO!" But, her dad just died and she is officially cut off from all of her family with his passing. No one likes her, and no one wants anything to do with her, except for her worthless son (again, not my husband, but his half breed brother).

I have already told her I want nothing to do with her, and that she will no longer receive updates or pictures of her granddaughter. This all came after a very long, drawn out, vicious battle between us a couple of months ago after I determined she just could not be nice to anyone to save her poor pitiful life. She just cannot muster the ability to not be cruel for no reason.

That decision was based on the fact that if she treats me and everyone else in her family like that, then how would she treat my daughter when she was old enough to understand how cruel her grandma is? I didn't want her crying because her grandma was mean to her for no reason. The woman makes her sisters cry with her cruelty.

So I sat in the parking lot, wondering if I should be nice and get her a card from the baby. I didn't want her to think I had softened toward her, to think I was willing to mend fences that had been blown apart by a-bombs, or was trying to get at her newly found and undeserved fortune. Because I couldn't decide, I called my dad, who of course has not been bitten by her cruelty personally and so thought I should be the bigger person and get her a card. I used to think the way my dad did, but there are so few redeeming qualities in this woman, and it pains me to say it.

I sat on the card isle forever, trying to find a card that wouldn't imply she was a sweet and loving grandma. I had a hard time. I finally found one that had a prayer in it. It said something along the lines of "I pray for you every day." I laughed and thought, "Don't we all?" It didn't say anything about her being the world's best grandma, or my daughter being lucky to have such a great grandma.

It made me feel sick, but I bought the card. Then drove back to work, debating over whether or not I should tear it up or send it. I then spent the next week not wanting to send the card. DH told me to just send it because I bought it. That isn't good enough reason for me. It would be more satisfying to tear it up.

Today at lunch I decided to not send the card for all of the above reasons. The woman has more money than she knows what to do with now, so she can find comfort this Mother's Day smoking doobies with her son and getting drunk. I will stand by my decision to keep her out of my daughter's and my life.


Fran said...

I have to say, good for you that you even considered buying a card for her at all!! Don't be upset for not sending it, unfortunately I understand you well, you kind of hope that deep down one day things will somehow worked out. She may even apologise for having been so horrible to you all...but sure...everyone can dream of something!
And I love your dream! I'd love to meet you too!! I'll be talking to the Vet about what to do with Patches, and definitely if the girl was willing to come over and house him here it would be great! I let you know. Much love, Fran

Heather said...

My mother in law is a heifer from hades.

That said, I don't feel obligated to get her anything, and she will NEVER step near my children ever again.

It's ok. You're doing what's best for y'all. And that's more than what she is doing. UGH>


S.I.F. said...

The family stuff is ALWAYS hard. My own mother hasn't been in my life in 14 years, and I still struggle with this decision every mothers day. And every year, I don't send a card.

I think you made the right decision. You have to protect your family first and foremost.

Potters said...

I wouldn't have sent the card. It may have made things worse. Some times feeling completely alone is good. May make her rethink her life (or maybe not cause she isn't the sharpest tool).

PFM said...

I would have been the same way. Fighting the urge to still be nice even though someone does not deserve it. Good for you.

Shanel said...

I'd say not to send the card either... it doesn't mean anything if it's not from the heart... if she's caused a lot of hurt to her children and family.. the ball is in her court to fix what she's broken.

AnxiousMummyto3 said...

Sorry this comment is belated Saige. I really think it was kind of you even to consider sending a card. But really, she needs to make amends and she needs to work hard at it. So I agree, it's not up to you to make the first move. Good on you for considering it though!