Hello to all of you who are visiting for ICLW, and for those of you who are returning visitors. I thought instead of giving you a blah, blah, blah post for this ICLW, I would give you a Q&A session to give you a little insight into who I am and why I'm here.
Q: How did your blog get started, and what is it about?
A: This blog is actually my secondary and anonymous blog. It was started just one year ago when I was dealing with some serious post partum depression after my daughter was born. I felt like I had been given a double wammy in that I had gone through two years of infertility just to become a mother, and then when I finally achieved the dream, I got hit with PPD and wasn't able to enjoy being a mother the way I wanted and needed to. My first blog was so therapeutic while I was fighting the IF battle that I decided I needed an anonymous blog to help me through PPD because I didn't want everyone IRL to know I was going through this and on medication.
This blog gives me complete and total freedom to write whatever I want without the fear of someone IRL coming across it. Sometimes we just need to vent about people or circumstances in our lives to help us deal with those situations, but that doesn't mean we need our friends and family knowing about it (or reading what we say about them).
Q: What do you blog about most?
A: I mostly blog about every day life. I don't write very much here about my battles with infertility (I am still fighting it while trying to conceive again) or even being a mother. This blog is more about my random thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it is funny (or so I think), sometimes it is serious, and sometimes it is thoughtful. There are no holes barred when it comes to this blog and my subject matter.
Q: What do you like about blogging?
A: I love that I get to meet and support so many other women who know exactly the pain and trauma I have been through, both with my battles through infertility, and my battle with depression. It is nice to know that am I not alone in my struggles, but I also appreciate the opportunity to help uplift others who are where I have been. I love to think that I give others hope in their darkest hours.
Q: Who are you?
A: I am a mother who overcame infertility and PPD, who is now living the life she always dreamed of. I am a wife to one of the most incredible, loving, caring, understanding man on the planet. I am blessed beyond words in every aspect of my life. I am an avid dog lover. I am logical and emotional, crazy and sane, a lover of life, and a friend to many. I am a healer, full of empathy and love, with strength to give when strength is needed. I am the best me I can possibly be. If there were two of me, we would be the best of friends.
I hope you enjoyed your introduction into Saige, the anon blogger. I look forward to reading your blogs as ICLW gets under way. Thank you for stopping by. :)
Showing posts with label ICLW. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ICLW. Show all posts
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
ICLW
If you are stopping by for ICLW, I have to admit up front I am regretting signing up this month. When I did, I thought my life would be in such a different place. I had no idea at that time how much my world was going to be turned on its head just days before this week was supposed to arrive.
I started this blog when I began going through problems I didn't want everyone in my real life knowing about, mainly post partum depression. This is actually my secondary and anonymous blog. In my main blog I am very open and honest about my struggles with infertility, but everyone in my real like has the link to it, and I didn't want them all to see what was really behind the ever-strong facade. I needed an outlet and a support group for my PPD, and I already knew how therapeutic blogging was in regard to getting out feelings and emotions, as well as getting support from women who have been or are where I am.
After years of infertility treatments and being put through the ringer, my husband and I finally conceived and had a beautiful baby girl a year ago. During our battle against infertility, I had undergone surgery to remove extensive endometriosis, had ovarian drilling performed, and had a septum removed from my uterus. The latter was a surprise from my doctor to my husband and I, as he didn't ask either of us if we wanted it done before diving in with his scalpel. His decision has now left us facing the reality that I may not be able to have more children, and if I do, I put my life at risk.
That procedure created scar tissue that my daughter implanted into during my pregnancy with her. Somewhere around the end of the second trimester I began to have regular contractions, but without the cramping. More than 10 in an hour, 24 hours a day. My current doctor attributed it to a cranky uterus. On the day of my c-section, we found that my daughter's placenta had been pushing its way through the uterine wall with each contraction and had poked a hole all of the way through the muscle to the outside of the uterus in what is known as a uterine rupture.
My doctor repaired the rupture, and we were forced to take a year of TTC while we hoped and prayed everything would heal well enough that we could attempt another pregnancy, all the while knowing another one would be considered high risk right out of the gate and knowing all of the potential risks and complications.
On Friday of last week I went to find how things had healed. I fully expected everything to be fine, and to be back at TTC. Instead I got the news that I may be done having children. The rupture did not heal correctly. We are currently exploring our options for continuing to build our family, the first of which is surgery to fix my uterus. However, our risks of another rupture during a pregnancy have gone up dramatically, leaving us wondering if we dare to try.
The past few days have been like a bad nightmare that I am still trying to sort my way through. I haven't been reading or commenting on the blogs I do follow because I just don't have the headspace to be the support and love I always try to be to my blogfriends. Right now I am trying to adjust to my new reality and only posting to help keep myself sane. I sincerely apologize if you are here for ICLW. Normally I am very excited for ICLW, and I look forward to finding new blogs where I can join in your journey and help uplift you, but right now I am trying to sort out the hand that God has dealt me.
I wish you all the best and hope you find many wonderful blogs to read and follow during this exciting week.
Much love,
Saige
P.S. Not sure who put my blogs into LFCA, but thanks to whomever did. Also, it took the cat out of the bag as to where my primary blog is located. lol! I am both Chelle and Saige. Just don't let my MIL know. :D
I started this blog when I began going through problems I didn't want everyone in my real life knowing about, mainly post partum depression. This is actually my secondary and anonymous blog. In my main blog I am very open and honest about my struggles with infertility, but everyone in my real like has the link to it, and I didn't want them all to see what was really behind the ever-strong facade. I needed an outlet and a support group for my PPD, and I already knew how therapeutic blogging was in regard to getting out feelings and emotions, as well as getting support from women who have been or are where I am.
After years of infertility treatments and being put through the ringer, my husband and I finally conceived and had a beautiful baby girl a year ago. During our battle against infertility, I had undergone surgery to remove extensive endometriosis, had ovarian drilling performed, and had a septum removed from my uterus. The latter was a surprise from my doctor to my husband and I, as he didn't ask either of us if we wanted it done before diving in with his scalpel. His decision has now left us facing the reality that I may not be able to have more children, and if I do, I put my life at risk.
That procedure created scar tissue that my daughter implanted into during my pregnancy with her. Somewhere around the end of the second trimester I began to have regular contractions, but without the cramping. More than 10 in an hour, 24 hours a day. My current doctor attributed it to a cranky uterus. On the day of my c-section, we found that my daughter's placenta had been pushing its way through the uterine wall with each contraction and had poked a hole all of the way through the muscle to the outside of the uterus in what is known as a uterine rupture.
My doctor repaired the rupture, and we were forced to take a year of TTC while we hoped and prayed everything would heal well enough that we could attempt another pregnancy, all the while knowing another one would be considered high risk right out of the gate and knowing all of the potential risks and complications.
On Friday of last week I went to find how things had healed. I fully expected everything to be fine, and to be back at TTC. Instead I got the news that I may be done having children. The rupture did not heal correctly. We are currently exploring our options for continuing to build our family, the first of which is surgery to fix my uterus. However, our risks of another rupture during a pregnancy have gone up dramatically, leaving us wondering if we dare to try.
The past few days have been like a bad nightmare that I am still trying to sort my way through. I haven't been reading or commenting on the blogs I do follow because I just don't have the headspace to be the support and love I always try to be to my blogfriends. Right now I am trying to adjust to my new reality and only posting to help keep myself sane. I sincerely apologize if you are here for ICLW. Normally I am very excited for ICLW, and I look forward to finding new blogs where I can join in your journey and help uplift you, but right now I am trying to sort out the hand that God has dealt me.
I wish you all the best and hope you find many wonderful blogs to read and follow during this exciting week.
Much love,
Saige
P.S. Not sure who put my blogs into LFCA, but thanks to whomever did. Also, it took the cat out of the bag as to where my primary blog is located. lol! I am both Chelle and Saige. Just don't let my MIL know. :D
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Welcome ICLW!
Welcome to all visitors here for ICLW!
My name is Saige, and the purpose behind my blog came about after the birth of my first child. I had gone through years of infertility treatments and extensive surgery to remove moderate endometriosis and perform ovarian drilling for my PCOS before DH and I finally and surprisingly conceived on our own about 6 months after the surgery.
After my daughter was born, I went through severe post partum depression. I have fought depression many times in my life, and it runs in my family, but somehow I thought I would be immune to PPD. My husband along with my dad and many other family members, friends, and coworkers begged me to get help. However, I couldn't see the forest for the trees. I thought I was fine, was handling everything in my life just perfectly, despite the continual crying, the inability to handle simple situations, and my many attempts to do myself in.
In addition to my PDD, I was battling the scars left over from years of infertility. I always thought that once I had a baby, I would be happy, and I am. I want more children, but my history of infertility and the complications that arose during my pregnancy kept making that desire even less obtainable than before. Just as it did before my pregnancy, my infertility problems began to consume me again.
Finally I agreed to get help. I went to a therapist who offered no help, and a doctor who would only offer me antidepressants I had been on before and had very negative side effects with. I decided seeking help was more trouble than it was worth and was only making everything worse, so I gave up. Then my world was rocked and I came to my knees.
At the request of a husband desperate to save his wife and the mother of his child, and a father desperate to save his daughter, I started playing in the major leagues. I went to a Psychologist with a PhD and sought a new family doctor who was willing to prescribe me the antidepressants I wanted to try.
Within months I noticed a huge difference. The combination of the antidepressants and visits to the Shrink were paying off big time. I have come a long way since those very dark days. I fought hard to get myself to where I am today. I appreciate the ability to look back and see just how far I've come. But my battle isn't over yet. It is gearing up for round two as DH and are getting ready to explore the possibility of TTC again.
This is my blog and my journey. My posts are sometimes philosophical, sometimes zany and crazy, other times serious and sometimes sad. If you are here for the day, thanks for stopping by. If you want to follow along, join my friendly ranks.
I wish you all the best and happy blog reading this week!
My name is Saige, and the purpose behind my blog came about after the birth of my first child. I had gone through years of infertility treatments and extensive surgery to remove moderate endometriosis and perform ovarian drilling for my PCOS before DH and I finally and surprisingly conceived on our own about 6 months after the surgery.
After my daughter was born, I went through severe post partum depression. I have fought depression many times in my life, and it runs in my family, but somehow I thought I would be immune to PPD. My husband along with my dad and many other family members, friends, and coworkers begged me to get help. However, I couldn't see the forest for the trees. I thought I was fine, was handling everything in my life just perfectly, despite the continual crying, the inability to handle simple situations, and my many attempts to do myself in.
In addition to my PDD, I was battling the scars left over from years of infertility. I always thought that once I had a baby, I would be happy, and I am. I want more children, but my history of infertility and the complications that arose during my pregnancy kept making that desire even less obtainable than before. Just as it did before my pregnancy, my infertility problems began to consume me again.
Finally I agreed to get help. I went to a therapist who offered no help, and a doctor who would only offer me antidepressants I had been on before and had very negative side effects with. I decided seeking help was more trouble than it was worth and was only making everything worse, so I gave up. Then my world was rocked and I came to my knees.
At the request of a husband desperate to save his wife and the mother of his child, and a father desperate to save his daughter, I started playing in the major leagues. I went to a Psychologist with a PhD and sought a new family doctor who was willing to prescribe me the antidepressants I wanted to try.
Within months I noticed a huge difference. The combination of the antidepressants and visits to the Shrink were paying off big time. I have come a long way since those very dark days. I fought hard to get myself to where I am today. I appreciate the ability to look back and see just how far I've come. But my battle isn't over yet. It is gearing up for round two as DH and are getting ready to explore the possibility of TTC again.
This is my blog and my journey. My posts are sometimes philosophical, sometimes zany and crazy, other times serious and sometimes sad. If you are here for the day, thanks for stopping by. If you want to follow along, join my friendly ranks.
I wish you all the best and happy blog reading this week!
Friday, November 20, 2009
Its ICLW Time!
Hello friendly bloggers! I can't believe it is already ICLW time. I didn't notice when I signed up for it this month that it would take place over the Thanksgiving holiday. Total Bummer. I will do my best to keep up before and after the holiday though.
I absolutely love ICLW because I feel like it brings our ALI community closer together, even if only for a few days. We get to meet and reach out to new people, find new blogs, and share in new lives. It is such a wonderful experience.
For a bit of my back story, click the link above. In short, I started this blog when I realized and embraced the fact that I had PPD along with some PTSD from years of infertility. It became my therapy as I tried to heal my wounds and get my life back to where I wanted it to be.
I am glad I chose the road I did to help with my PPD. It has been an eye opening ride, but a good one. I can't even tell you what a difference it made. My PPD was bad enough it was affecting my job performance, and it caused my project manager to say things that shocked me and made me fear for losing my job. It wasn't until that monthly review that my eyes were really opened to just how bad off I was. That review, coupled with a few other events, caused me to finally seek the help I needed. Within a month everyone could see a huge difference. In my next review, my project manager told me he was finally seeing the woman he had hired a year and a half before. It took a little intervention from the people I loved and a little resolution on my part, but I am happy to say, my life is back on track and where it should be.
My husband and I want to have more children, but we're currently on a TTC break. If we had our way, there wouldn't have been much of a break because we wanted lots of children. However, my body has other plans, as I have extensive endometriosis and PCOS (a double wammy). Knowing this, we are happy with any and all children we are able to have, realizing our family won't be as large as we had hoped. We feel so fortunate and blessed that we were able to have one, and if that is all we ever get, we will be just as happy as if we had four or five. Our daughter is the light of our life. Having her after years of painful infertility treatments has brought us so much closer together than we were the day we got married.
I can honestly say, while the road was bumpy and sometimes threatened to throw us off completely, it was well worth hanging on. I have definitely managed to make my life the way I always saw it being. Now I continue this blog in an attempt to help others who struggle with infertility, depression, or anything else they need help getting through.
So that's my blog purpose in a nutshell. Welcome to my blog and my story. I look forward to meeting all of you.
I absolutely love ICLW because I feel like it brings our ALI community closer together, even if only for a few days. We get to meet and reach out to new people, find new blogs, and share in new lives. It is such a wonderful experience.
For a bit of my back story, click the link above. In short, I started this blog when I realized and embraced the fact that I had PPD along with some PTSD from years of infertility. It became my therapy as I tried to heal my wounds and get my life back to where I wanted it to be.
I am glad I chose the road I did to help with my PPD. It has been an eye opening ride, but a good one. I can't even tell you what a difference it made. My PPD was bad enough it was affecting my job performance, and it caused my project manager to say things that shocked me and made me fear for losing my job. It wasn't until that monthly review that my eyes were really opened to just how bad off I was. That review, coupled with a few other events, caused me to finally seek the help I needed. Within a month everyone could see a huge difference. In my next review, my project manager told me he was finally seeing the woman he had hired a year and a half before. It took a little intervention from the people I loved and a little resolution on my part, but I am happy to say, my life is back on track and where it should be.
My husband and I want to have more children, but we're currently on a TTC break. If we had our way, there wouldn't have been much of a break because we wanted lots of children. However, my body has other plans, as I have extensive endometriosis and PCOS (a double wammy). Knowing this, we are happy with any and all children we are able to have, realizing our family won't be as large as we had hoped. We feel so fortunate and blessed that we were able to have one, and if that is all we ever get, we will be just as happy as if we had four or five. Our daughter is the light of our life. Having her after years of painful infertility treatments has brought us so much closer together than we were the day we got married.
I can honestly say, while the road was bumpy and sometimes threatened to throw us off completely, it was well worth hanging on. I have definitely managed to make my life the way I always saw it being. Now I continue this blog in an attempt to help others who struggle with infertility, depression, or anything else they need help getting through.
So that's my blog purpose in a nutshell. Welcome to my blog and my story. I look forward to meeting all of you.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Welcome ICLW!
Here's a big WELCOME to ICLW participants!
My name is Saige, and the purpose behind my blog is to help me make my way back from PPD and PTSD brought on by the battle of infertility. For a complete back story, visit this post.
While I use this blog as an outlet for feelings that aren't always rosy, I try to mingle it with the bits of life that are truly wonderful. No one likes a downer all of the time, and no one likes to be a downer all of the time.
While I am not currently battling infertility, I fought the war and won round 1. In a few months, I will be back in the saddle fighting round 2 with new complications that weren't there in round 1. It is a fight I am nervous to fight, even more so than I was the first time. We have so much more on the line this time than we did before. For now, I am enjoying my break from TTC and filling my time with my beautiful daughter who was worth absolutely everything I had to go through to get her here.
Feel free to follow along on my journey to recovery as I arm myself for the war that lies ahead.
Thanks for stopping by!
My name is Saige, and the purpose behind my blog is to help me make my way back from PPD and PTSD brought on by the battle of infertility. For a complete back story, visit this post.
While I use this blog as an outlet for feelings that aren't always rosy, I try to mingle it with the bits of life that are truly wonderful. No one likes a downer all of the time, and no one likes to be a downer all of the time.
While I am not currently battling infertility, I fought the war and won round 1. In a few months, I will be back in the saddle fighting round 2 with new complications that weren't there in round 1. It is a fight I am nervous to fight, even more so than I was the first time. We have so much more on the line this time than we did before. For now, I am enjoying my break from TTC and filling my time with my beautiful daughter who was worth absolutely everything I had to go through to get her here.
Feel free to follow along on my journey to recovery as I arm myself for the war that lies ahead.
Thanks for stopping by!
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