Thursday, January 21, 2010

Welcome ICLW!

Welcome to all visitors here for ICLW!

My name is Saige, and the purpose behind my blog came about after the birth of my first child. I had gone through years of infertility treatments and extensive surgery to remove moderate endometriosis and perform ovarian drilling for my PCOS before DH and I finally and surprisingly conceived on our own about 6 months after the surgery.

After my daughter was born, I went through severe post partum depression. I have fought depression many times in my life, and it runs in my family, but somehow I thought I would be immune to PPD. My husband along with my dad and many other family members, friends, and coworkers begged me to get help. However, I couldn't see the forest for the trees. I thought I was fine, was handling everything in my life just perfectly, despite the continual crying, the inability to handle simple situations, and my many attempts to do myself in.

In addition to my PDD, I was battling the scars left over from years of infertility. I always thought that once I had a baby, I would be happy, and I am. I want more children, but my history of infertility and the complications that arose during my pregnancy kept making that desire even less obtainable than before. Just as it did before my pregnancy, my infertility problems began to consume me again.

Finally I agreed to get help. I went to a therapist who offered no help, and a doctor who would only offer me antidepressants I had been on before and had very negative side effects with. I decided seeking help was more trouble than it was worth and was only making everything worse, so I gave up. Then my world was rocked and I came to my knees.

At the request of a husband desperate to save his wife and the mother of his child, and a father desperate to save his daughter, I started playing in the major leagues. I went to a Psychologist with a PhD and sought a new family doctor who was willing to prescribe me the antidepressants I wanted to try.

Within months I noticed a huge difference. The combination of the antidepressants and visits to the Shrink were paying off big time. I have come a long way since those very dark days. I fought hard to get myself to where I am today. I appreciate the ability to look back and see just how far I've come. But my battle isn't over yet. It is gearing up for round two as DH and are getting ready to explore the possibility of TTC again.

This is my blog and my journey. My posts are sometimes philosophical, sometimes zany and crazy, other times serious and sometimes sad. If you are here for the day, thanks for stopping by. If you want to follow along, join my friendly ranks.

I wish you all the best and happy blog reading this week!


Noelle said...

That was a beautiful summary of you. You did forget to mention how truly helpful you are to so many of us....

AnxiousMummyto3 said...

Hey Saige! I found all of your comments-thanks so much! Even though I'm not new to your story, reading back over it in this post just reminds me how strong you are. You have been through the ringer and come out the other side. I hope your strength will serve you well during your next journey into TTC. Thanks also for your opinion on the IUI-I still have questions to ask the doctor I think. It turns out DH has reduced morphology, not motility. So I will really need to find out whether IUI can even make a difference to that or not. I appreciate your friendship sooo much!

Saige said...

Aww, thanks ladies! I love both of you two very much too!

Noelle, I finished watching The Bach.elor last night. I was laying in bed wishing I could call you and talk about the show. lol! I am so glad he got rid of Elizabeth. She WAS a tease. I understand where she was coming from, but like Jake said, she was all over the place with her mixed signals. She's hot though, she'll pick up the pieces and find another guy soon enough. And yeah, I still hate Vienna. I LOVE Ali! That girl has balls! Every time she calls Vienna out, I want to high five her. I stand firm in my opinion that we could be friends IRL. I LOVED the look on Vienna's face when Ali got a rose. It was classic.

I read somewhere that he ends up picking Vienna in the end. Do you think that is true? I hope not. I don't want that B in my hometown. I'd have to egg their house. I can't wait to see who goes home after the double date next week. Any thoughts on who it is?

Dude, this show is so full of drama! I wonder how much of it is staged? Plus, did you hear that Roz wanted off the show so they fabricated the story of her cheating?

Talk to me! I want to hear your thoughts on my thoughts!

daega99 said...

Hello and happy ICLW! Your summary is so very moving. All the best on your journey!

junebug said...

Wow! You are one brave lady. I know from experience how hard it is to pull yourself back out of depression. It is so hard to see until you are on your way out. I am so glad you have found the support you needed.

Marla.z said...

So, I clicked on your link on the ICLW page and as I was reading your blog, I was like, hey, I know this girl! Lol!

But, even so, it's a new blog for me and it helps to fill my daily quota of 5. ;D

And a happy ICLW to you!

T Lee said...

Brava for taking the steps you needed... that can be the hardest part a lot of the time. Good luck- with everything!


Rach said...

Your strength and resolve shine through in your words and you should be very proud of how far you have come. Good luck for the future, it will be indeed bright again.


Willow said...

Wow, you've been through a lot and have come out STRONG! Good for you, and good luck with TTC #2!

Mama Bear said...

you sound like a very strong person!

Noelle said...

OMG-You just gave me so much info and now I am dying to research!!!!!!! Where did you hear this about Roz???? That would be insane, but I believe it could have happened! Chris Harrison did seem overly dramatic.

I used to read a blog by a guy called Reali.ty He seems to know all the goods so I will have to look on there.

You heard he stays with Vienna? Good lord! She has a horse face. Yuck :)

Christina said...

I'm so glad to hear that you're making your way through. I understand how people who suffer from years of IF can so easily fall into PPD and struggles afterward. I hope everything goes well for you.

Okay, off to feed your turtles a treat. :)


MelissaP05 said...

Hi, I know how you feel about the everything that comes with dealing with IF, especially emotionally. I finally realized after being off antidepressants, while we were
TTC, that I desperately needed to be back on them. So after my husband and our therapist told me I needed to be on them, I relented. I certainly wouldn't be as sane as I am now if I hadn't been on something after 3 failed IUIs in the last 3 months. I hope things get better for you. ~ICLW

Saige said...

Noelle, here is the link I found that said Jake ends up with Vienna. If you read the comments, NO ONE likes her! I seriously do NOT want her shopping at my Target!

Plus I found out at lunch today, one of my coworkers went to high school with Jake. Unfortunately they didn't run in the same circles, so he has no idea what kind of girl Jake is into. All I can say is it better not taste of Vienna, or I am all for booting him into the neighboring, less desireable neighborhood. (As I write this I am listning to a song by the band James, and they are singing that I am "Low, low, low, low, low" LOL!)

Read it and tell me what you think!

Anonymous said...

You have been so much but your story is truly an inspiration...thanks for sharing!

BelowAverageAthlete said...

You sound very strong and courageous! Good luck on your journey for number 2.


Amaprincess said...

I love love love your name!!! Thank you for being open and honest about your depression. I bet it helps a lot of woman much more than you know! ICLW

Parenthood For Me said...

I too have battled depression for many years. It is such a difficult disease. It is very hard to find the proper treatment. I am glad you are in a better place.