Sunday, January 24, 2010

Yes, I am Wonderwoman

I want to start off by saying my husband and I have a great marriage. We have a relationship most couples envy. We were definitely made for one another and we both waited until we had found each other to get married. I was 25 when we met, he was 29. Suffice it to say, neither of us settled. My dad told me a while ago that he wished his marriage was as good as mine. My husband and I are complete equals. Neither lets the other get away with crap and we both know it. Our fights are rare and never last long when they do occur.

However, there is one area where our marriage is far from equal, and that is when it comes to housework, maintaining a household, and doing things for the baby. There, I do it all. It drives me INSANE. 99% of our fights stem from his lack of help.

I (from hereon referred to as "Wonder Woman"):
  • Work a full time job
  • Cook
  • Clean the house from top to bottom
  • Do the laundry for DH and I every other week and twice a week for the baby
  • Take care of two dogs (these are my dogs, so I don't mind that he doesn't help here)
  • Take the baby to daycare
  • Take the baby to doctor appointments
  • Take care of the baby
  • Get the baby up and ready in the morning
  • Bathe and get the baby ready for bed at night
  • Give the baby all of her prescription medications, which right now includes three breathing treatments a day due to RSV
  • Do the grocery shopping
  • Fill the prescriptions
  • Do any and all shopping for the house minus the stuff from Lo.wes
  • Clean the baby bottles and sippy cups daily
  • Clean her breathing treatment mask and cup three times a day

I do it all. My days go from the butt crack of dawn until the late night hours. I rarely get to sit and have time to myself, and when I do, it comes out of the time I should be sleeping, which is usually when I blog.

DH (hereon referred to as "Superman"):

  • Works a full time job
  • On very, very rare occasions helps me clean up a little bit
  • On even more rare occasions, tinkers with a house project
  • Watches TV
  • Plays with the baby
  • Occasionally helps with the baby
  • Plays on his computer

Do you see my frustration here? Even more frustrating is the fact that he gives me zero recognition for all that I do. If I complain he doesn't help, he tells me I don't have to do any of it either, and that if I don't want to, I should just stop. Good call Superman. The baby doesn't need to be taken care of and neither do the house or the dogs. Let's just let everything fend for itself while we watch our flesh melt into the couch as we watch TV.

But even more frustrating than that is when I ask him to help out. My God you'd think I asked him to cut off his favorite appendage! The screams can be heard across the galaxy. And then what does Wonder Woman get called? A nag. Let me tell you, I rarely ask him for anything because he is such a pain in the ass about it when I do. So when I do, it is because of days like today where I am emotionally and physically exhausted. My super powers are drained, and I need a little help. I don't think that is too much to ask. After all, I do it all, all of the time!

Yes, I am Wonder Woman, but every now and then, even Wonder Woman needs a little recognition, a little recharge to her super powers, a little break from her crazy insane life of keeping the world at rights. I understand he needs time to recoup at the end of a long work day. My question there is when does Wonder Woman get to recoup?! I worked a long work day too, and then some! It seems like Superman's powers are short lived and the recharge time is incredibly long, like an old laptop battery on its last leg.

During my recharge time, I often blog. He HATES the blog. He LOATHES ICLW. He wines about it. He actually smarts off to me when I want to go to bed early and says in his naggy voice, "Going to bed to blog?" Who cares? It didn't come out of our time together, it comes out of my sleep.

Now I will climb down off my Bitch Box. I sincerely love my husband, and there is no one in this world I would rather be with. He is my everything, and I am nothing without him. I just wish that every now and then he would recharge my battery with a little help when saving the world is too much for me, or for him to let me know he realizes just how much I do. Is that too much to ask?


Geochick said...

Happy ICLW. *hugs* It can be so frustrating when you feel like you have to do everything.

Mrs Bee said...


I suggest (for as long as it takes) do nothing for him.

Cook for you and the baby.
Clean your clothes and the babies.
Make only YOUR side of the bed.
Do your own dishes etc.
When I say nothing, I mean NOTHING.

And then when he complains...
kick him in the shins for me.

I had to do this with Lex a couple of months back.
It's not that I don't mind doing everything, I do expect a thank you and some recognition.
Also, now when I ask him to do something for me, he does it pretty quickly!

(Bare in mind that I was itching to tidy up after him! And I did feel bad being called a hard arsed woman from his mates.)

Big hugs my Wonder Woman friend!!


Terry said...

Ouf. That's frustrating. I found that most men have to be asked for their help. But I wish they would just think about it ! :) Leave DH alone for a few days and go to a spa, he'll see what you do every day, he'll be compeletely submerged with work. Hehe

AnxiousMummyto3 said...

Hey Saige
Oh sweetie, I totally get where you're coming from. DH is like surgically attached to the PS3 sometimes, I swear. Yes, Superwoman definitely needs a break. What I find I have to do when the 'nag' accusation comes out is just write him a note. This prevents me from repeating myself 3 or 4 times, to ask for the same thing to be done. I just shove the note practically down his throat and he does it! Still, it's hard and it is a strain, especially when you feel you're not appreciated. I'm sorry, I know it sucks. You're right though, he shouldn't be complaining if your spare time is just less sleep time. I'm glad you're able to vent about this on here. One thing I read in a 'marriage after babies' book a few years back is the best way to get him to understand is just to go out for the day/weekend and leave him with everything. He'll soon realise that it HAS to be done-you can't just sit on the couch and stick to it. Anyway, you don't need any assvice here I think, it seems like you just need to get it off your chest. Hope writing about this has helped you feel better.

Suzanne said...

No, it's definitely not too much to ask. I'm sorry that you're having to do everything. That must be very frustrating.

Potters said...

I hate when you ask a guy to take out the garbage and he says he will and then he continues to sit on his butt. So then you take the garbage out yourself and when they see you they say "I said I was going to take it out". HELLO, when I asked you to do it I ment that I wanted you to do it NOW. Not on your time. I have to say that I love my hubby and I am glad that he helps out when he is home.

Life Happens said...

I agree with Mrs. Bee. But of course, you need to do whats best for your marriage. Some men take what they have for granted.

I can't believe you work full-time AND do all those things. I think you hubby should chip in a little bit and help out. He needs to realize that you will get burnt out.

Stay strong!

Noelle said...

I got tired just reading through the list of things that you do. In fact, I think I need a nap! I would be angry with my hubby too if he did that. Wait-he does do that! Our fights are a little different and come from the fact that I work harder than he does in our jobs and I make the money (as a teacher).

Your marriage sounds wonderful, and it just seems that you have this one problem. Take comfort in the fact that most women would be hugely annoyed by it. I am sure that this same fight happens all of the time.

I wish I knew what to say. After 13 years of marriage (no kids though), I have yet to change him. When I really sit down and talk to him, he will change for a bit.

I hope that you able to reach him. I would be very frustrated, and exhausted as well.

Busted Kate said...

I think it's just hard for husbands, because he can't relate to you the same way (because he's a man, and though he is your partner, there are something things only a woman can understand).

Hang in there. Happy ICLW.