Saturday, January 30, 2010


In my last post I left off telling you to look forward to this post, in which I tell you about how two of my Top 5 traits came to bite me in the @$$ on Thursday.

Thursday was a great day. I was excited because my parents were coming into town for the Munchkin's birthday, so I couldn't wait to get out of work and get the party started. A few minutes before I headed out, my boss called me into his office and shut the door. I jokingly said, "Uh oh!" He laughed and told me I wasn't in trouble, but that he did want to talk to me about something.

There is a girl on my office who has been taking a lot of crap from everyone else. I figured it was because of the role she plays in the company. No one in that position is ever liked, whether they are a great person or not. It isn't fair, and I don't appreciate someone being treated poorly when they are trying to do their job. I sat in on a large meeting where my coworkers proceeded to yell at this girl, who is usually very calm, until she got upset. I made me kind of mad on her behalf. When it came time in the meeting for her to talk to me, her guard was already up and she felt like I was attacking her when I told her I could not meet the deadline she gave me because she hadn't gotten me what I needed to do it.

The next day I ran into her in the break room. I walked up to her and told her I was sorry about the meeting the day before. I let her know I wasn't attacking her, but that I realized she felt that way after everyone else had lit into her during that meeting. I then told her I was sorry she had taken so much crap, that I didn't envy her position, and that she didn't deserve to be treated that way.

I saw an opportunity to make a friend. She seems so very sweet. I made jokes with her the rest of the day, and the next day took her a candy bar to help lighten her mood and help her de-stress a bit.

Thursday I went to lunch with two of my coworkers who began to talk very negatively about this girl. As I listened to their conversation, I wondered if they could really be talking about the same girl. As one of them is a very dear friend of mine and has been for the past couple years, I knew he wasn't lying. I know his personality, and he is a lot like me. He told me that he had tried to be kind to her and help her out, but she turned around a back bit him to other people, as well as his boss. He didn't understand why she did it and was upset about it. I didn't like hearing that. I didn't participate in the conversation, but figured she must be really stressed out.

That afternoon in my boss's office, he told me she had done the same to me with my conversation with her in the break room. I stared at my boss in bewilderment. How could she back bite me with what I said? I didn't say anything other than to try to console her. He told me she had twisted my words and gone to her boss and her boss's boss and made it look like I had taken her side in a situation that was not a good one to be in. He told me her doing so was giving me a bad wrap. He knew what I was trying to do in the break room, which was make a friend and help her de-stress. He told me he knows my personality, and so he knows I didn't do things the way she said. But he told me to be very careful about what I say to her because my good intentions could come back to bite me in the @$$.

I sat there for a minute, just staring at him. He asked what was wrong, and I told him I was disappointed. He asked why, and I told him because I felt like she needed a friend, and that is what I was trying to be. He told me he knew, and then said that some people only watch out for themselves. He felt bad I had to learn that the hard way in this situation. He said he had snubbed the fuse early on on my behalf ,before it had gone any further in the company and ruined any of my working relationships. I was gobsmacked, and so very, very disappointed.

That night I wondered if what he had told me was correct, if she really had been watching out for only herself and used me as a shield. My coworker friend said she was notorious for throwing people under the bus. Maybe they are right, but the positive person in me doesn't want to see it. I am just so very disappointed. I thought we could be friends, but I can't be friends with someone who doesn't care about my reputation and standing in the company and who back bites me even in the most innocent and positive of situations. It is just sad.


Wishing 4 One said...

Man! Keep your distance. Do what is needed work wise and keep the relationship strictly work. No extra niceness, no candy bars straight business. You know what, your intention was good and that is all that matters. It seems everyone sees or knows her MO so do you now. Its sad cause you really wanted to help her, but some people are just selfish. Not saying she is, but better to keep contact to a minimum. Sad.....This is only reinforces my splendor of not working anymore. I so do not miss the office drama.... at.all.

AnxiousMummyto3 said...

I can't believe someone would go to such great lengths NOT to be friends with someone as nice as you. Like, seriously? I agree-keep your distance because you did nothing wrong at all in this situation except show compassion and a genuine desire to make a new friend.
I thought I commented on the positivity post but my comment is not there? I'll have to redo that one.

Suzanne said...

I'm so sorry that your coworker treated you like that. Just keep your distance from her in the future. That's such a shame - you were just trying to be friendly and helpful. I honestly don't understand people like her.

~ifer said...

I always want to believe the best about people as well, and I have gotten hurt in the past from it too. Some people just are not nice people, no matter how much we want to believe they are.

Potters said...

Wow. I can't beleive she did that to you.