Saturday, January 2, 2010

She Vexes Me Greatly

Do any of you have any idea how many posts I have written, published, and then deleted off this blog? Me neither. All I know is that it is a lot. The reasons for their deletion vary from my fear of writing something about someone IRL and having them stumble across my blog and call me out to trying to rid myself of unpleasantness to thinking they were either just too boring for reading or made no sense.

The thing I'm getting at is I am not sure this post won't fall victim to deletion at some point, but for right now, I need to get this off my chest before I explode!

My relationship with my MIL is very strained, at best. I never really liked her. I tried, but not very hard. I've always just kind of floated along through our time together and tried to keep that at a bare minimum. I actually got away without seeing her or talking to her for two fabulous years. The reason I was able to go for so long is because she pissed me off too badly to want anything to do with her. Of course, that was while we were undergoing infertility treatments. She kept sending me snide emails about the causes of infertility such as being overweight (I weighed 123), drinking (never touched a drop in my life), drinking too much coffee (I don't drink that either), and a whole slew of other garbage. I will cut this story really short by saying she did a whole lot of things that finally made me tell her to go the F away. I had had it!

I'm going to leave out a lot of story here just to keep this post from getting too long.

At the end of last year she sent me an email. I thought she was trying to patch things up so that she could be a part of her grandbaby's life. She took me for the biggest roller coaster ride. One minute I thought she was being a B, and the next I thought she was apologizing only to turn around and be a shrew again.

By the time my daughter was born, we had both sworn to make an effort at mending the relationship. I have seriously doubted her true resolve to do so though. She can be a mean nasty ass woman for no reason at all. One minute I will think we're making progress and literally the next minute I want to smack her into next year for being a shrew again.

Most of our communication is via email. I should post some of her little ditties on here just so you all can laugh along with me. Most of her emails make my angry and want to cut off communication again, but the nice person in me won't let me.

She spent Christmas day with DH and I at his grandpa's house. The relationship between her and her father as well as her sister's is every bit as strained as the one between her and I and her son (did you get that? [i.e., no one likes her]). After we got home, I wrote up a post about Christmas day on my primary blog (which she reads) and forgot to mention her, but did mention her sisters. The next day I had an email in my inbox telling me that she did not appreciate the post because I mentioned her sisters, but even moreso because I did not mention her.

I thought my lack of mentioning her was the nicest thing I could do!

She asked that I not mention them on my blog anymore as it upsets her, but to please remember to mention HER. Umm, I'm sorry, but I thought it was MY blog. If you don't like it, don't read it. Please. For the love of God. Further, don't send me nasty emails because you don't like the content. I get it. I forgot to mention you, or rather chose not to mention you. There is a reason for that. Be glad.


And this on top of the cheap ass Christmas present she gave me. I spent bucks on that woman. Her son didn't. I did because if I didn't, she wouldn't have gotten anything from us. My husband despises her. So what does she do? She buys him a really nice Christmas present and a ton of clothes for my daughter. Guess what she got me? A seriously ugly picture from the second hand store that probably cost her a nickle and a stupid bracelet. I really wish she hadn't gotten me anything and said that she spent my gift money on my daughter. That I could have handled and been happy about, but the gift she got me was a slap in the face and I think she knew it. It pissed me off so badly because she knows her son didn't spend one red cent on her, yet she went all out for him and everyone else at Christmas, including her sisters who despise her. The one person there on Christmas day who was even willing to think a smidgen of a happy thought about her was the person she snubbed. Good call lady. That's the way to mend the relationship with the mother of your only grandchild. Consider yourself cut off from here on out please.

I am so done being nice to her! It already pains me to be nice to her, but she is a spiteful B. I think she does it just to see what she can get away with, but I am sick of it. She wonders why no one likes her, and one of these days I will get the balls to tell her exactly why. She is this close - to being told. I'm not sure when I'll snap, but I know I will if she keeps her crap up.


I really hate the energy she brings into my life, which is why I cut her off the first time. All she ever does is piss me off. I keep asking my coworkers if anyone wants her, but they always tell me no. I've told my dad I am going to take her to the pound one day, but he keeps telling me they will just put her to sleep. Why is that a problem?

I really am an easy person to get along with. In fact, I get along with the majority of people who cross my path. I am very easy going. The only thing I care about is if you are a good person. I don't care about anything else you have done in your past. I don't care if you don't like the same things as me or think the same way, I actually appreciate it. But one thing I cannot and will never tolerate is rudeness that is uncalled for. This woman takes that cake and builds it taller than most people I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.

Oh, and did I mention she came up in a reading with R? I didn't say anything about her and he told me out of the blue that my MIL was a crazy piece of work. I'm not kidding!

Anyway, that's my rant. I really don't know how to end this post other than to say, "Piss Off!" to my MIL.

P.S. The picture is now resting on top of the pile of junk going to Go.od Wi.ll.


Anonymous said...

It's also totally ok to say to her that you and hubby dont want gifts from her anymore, that you'd much rather just the baby gets gifts. A lot of people work that way these days anyway.

I think that whatever way you decide to go (limited access to grand-baby only or totally cutting her out), it will be your fault since she already dislikes you. You just have to understand that and try to find ways to work around it.

It sounds to me that email is a big catalist for your unhappiness. What about blocking her email and she can just ring your hubby to organise seeing baby. You could go old school and post her photos of baby's development instead. Who doesnt like getting snail mail!

You dont have to be in contact with her. Hubby can be the contact person. I know it's probably not what he wants either but she is his mum and he cant escape that.

*big hug*


Life Happens said...

Sounds like your MIL has a lot of class! Honestly, she really sounds like one of those people that are never happy, no matter that you do.

Just be who you are and try not to let her get to you. (I know easier said than done). You seem like a wonderful person, who unfortunately, married into a crazy family.

May you find joy in this new year by focusing on your husband, beautiful daughter, and yourself as you prepare to add to your family.

Saige said...

H, my husband already doesn't talk to her. At all. Ever. That's why she communicates to/through me. It annoys the ever living crap out of me.

I wish I could just go back to the good old days where we didn't talk, email, or even communicate. *sigh*

Noelle said...

Man, I want to smack this lady! I cannot believe that she had the nerve to tell you what to put on your blog!

You know...I just don't know what to say or advise. I am in this same predicament with my father and his family. I have gone back and forth between not talking to him for years, and then being close to him. I love him, and it hurts if I am close to him, and when I am not close to him. So, for now I have chosen to be close to him (as much as I can be). It is a decision that i have to re-evauate every now and then.

Maybe you can just re-evaluate every now and then. What it sounds like to me, from just this one post, is that you should just let it be. She sounds like a nasty person, and she is not going to change. It is probably best to keep her at a distance. You don't have to write her out completely, because that could cause you guilt and you don't want that. You also should stick up for yourself when necessary, such as with the blog thing, or when she sends you emails about what you are doing wrong regarding fertility.

If she does something that you just cannot handle, then you can decide to take a break for a while.

The one thing to remember is that you can't change her. I tell myself that about my dad all of the time.

My mother-in-law and I went through 2 years where we didn't speak. She is a yucky person as well, along with some crazy added to the mix. It was tough when we didn't speak because I knew it bothered my husband. If I had to do it again, I would, but I hope that I can just continue to brush things aside for the rest of my life.

I am sorry that you have to deal with this shit!

Saige said...

Thanks for the advice ladies. I'm doing the best I can with what I have at the moment. I just wish she could see the reason no one likes her is because she is a shrew to all of us. She can't ever be decent and it is maddening.

Honestly, she is the reason I have this blog. I didn't want her knowing about the PPD and sending me nasty emails about that. I also wanted to be able to blog about her to get her crap off my chest without her knowing about it. Cowardly, I know, but again, not a confrontational person.

If anyone wants her, please let me know. I'm giving her away for free. I might include a box of chocolates. :D

Potters said...

What a complete b. I'm sorry you have to deal with her. I really don't have any good advice to give to you on this.