I thought it had been a lot longer since my last post. It feels like its been ages, but really it has only been about 5 days. There has been absolutely nothing blog-worthy going on in my life lately. In fact, if you follow my other blog you know that I have been taking a break from the blogs. Not just the blogs, but everything that involves reading because my eyes have been driving me nuts lately. They keep trying to tell me they are strained, so I end up feeling like I'm going cross-eyed and then it makes the bridge of my nose ache. Weird, I know.
I did learn a valuable lesson over the weekend: Don't leave your front door open for extended periods of time.
When I got home on Friday my husband took my daughter out front to play in the tree swing. It was a pleasant day, so I left the door open. More because I wasn't really thinking about it than anything else. It stayed open for probably a good 30 minutes or so before I closed it because a storm front was blowing up from the south, which means high humidity. Yuck!
The next morning my husband got up with the baby to let me sleep in. As they were heading down stairs for breakfast, a little sparrow that had apparently flown in when the door was open the night before started to excitedly try to fly out the window in our stairwell in an attempt to escape. My daughter squealed with delight and my husband laughed. He opened the front door, and the bird eventually figured out how to get out of the house and back out to freedom.
Later that night we were all sitting in the family room watching TV after a long day of shopping and housework when my husband announced that there was an Anole (lizard) crawling across the floor. Sure enough, there was the little fella scuttering across my rug. We all laughed as my husband tried to catch the lizard. At one point, the silly thing ran up my husband's leg. He eventually caught him, and the Munchkin got to pet his head before he was put back outside to freedom just like the bird.
Other than that, life has been boring. Same old, same old. Waiting for ovulation, which apparently decided to come later this month than the last two months, but closer to when I normally ovulate.
So unless I have something really cool to update on, don't be surprised if I go quiet for a bit. It isn't because anything is wrong, its because nothing is going on.
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Monday, October 25, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Skunk?
I have decided not to take my daughter on long grocery shops with me anymore because she gets bored, impatient, and therefore fussy. It was ideal to be able to pick her up from daycare and hit the store on the way home from work when needed, but that was a bad idea, as the Munchkin is usually ready for a drink and a snack after being picked up.
It got to the point a couple of times where I would grab a bag of cheese sticks in the store, open them up, peel one out, and give it to her just to keep from being "that mom and baby." You know the one I'm talking about. The ones where you know their exact location because of the screaming baby. I decided after multiple instances of being that mom that it was easier for me to go after Munchkin goes to bed.
Last night was one such night. A major grocery shop was in order, so there was no way I as going to take her with me. I waited until she went to bed, and then headed out. I first ran over to Targae to see if I could find her some new shoes for fall/winter. Right now she only has two pair of sandals, which aren't conducive to keeping feet warm on cold days. She also needed some long pants because all she currently has are shorts, which thanks to her Buddha Belly are even getting a little too tight (she is 19 months and they are 24-month shorts).
The sun had long gone down by the time I got in my car, and I couldn't help but want to enjoy the cool fall air, so I rolled down my windows. It was at the intersection by Targae that something smelled amiss. It was like a skunk, and maybe something burning. It was foul. It followed me all of the way into the parking lot and made me wonder if if was my car. But once I got out and walked into the store, I realized it wasn't my car because the smell was everywhere, even in the store.
I did my shopping and then headed out to do the major shop at the grocery store. When I came back out of Targae, the smell was still there. I was glad I was driving away from it as I got into my car. But when I got to the grocery store, I could still smell it.
Was it possible the smell had wafted over to this store too, or was it my car, or was it ON my car?
I took my time doing my grocery shopping and went over my budget by double, but that is what happens when you run out of everything all at once. When I came back out to my car, it still smelled a little, but not anywhere near as much... until I opened my car door. It smelled like a skunk had crawled in and let loose!
I started wondering if I had even seen a skunk or road kill on my way to Targae and had no recollection. I must have driven through something though. I drove home with all of my windows down in an attempt to air it out, and then I left them cracked over night in hopes the smell would be gone over night.
No dice. This morning my car still smelled like I had brought home a pet skunk last night. It has stunk all day, even though I keep leaving the windows down. I don't know what to do about it. Obviously the stink got up in my engine compartment somehow. It flat out reeks! I wonder how long I will have to drive around with my windows down before it goes away?
It got to the point a couple of times where I would grab a bag of cheese sticks in the store, open them up, peel one out, and give it to her just to keep from being "that mom and baby." You know the one I'm talking about. The ones where you know their exact location because of the screaming baby. I decided after multiple instances of being that mom that it was easier for me to go after Munchkin goes to bed.
Last night was one such night. A major grocery shop was in order, so there was no way I as going to take her with me. I waited until she went to bed, and then headed out. I first ran over to Targae to see if I could find her some new shoes for fall/winter. Right now she only has two pair of sandals, which aren't conducive to keeping feet warm on cold days. She also needed some long pants because all she currently has are shorts, which thanks to her Buddha Belly are even getting a little too tight (she is 19 months and they are 24-month shorts).
The sun had long gone down by the time I got in my car, and I couldn't help but want to enjoy the cool fall air, so I rolled down my windows. It was at the intersection by Targae that something smelled amiss. It was like a skunk, and maybe something burning. It was foul. It followed me all of the way into the parking lot and made me wonder if if was my car. But once I got out and walked into the store, I realized it wasn't my car because the smell was everywhere, even in the store.
I did my shopping and then headed out to do the major shop at the grocery store. When I came back out of Targae, the smell was still there. I was glad I was driving away from it as I got into my car. But when I got to the grocery store, I could still smell it.
Was it possible the smell had wafted over to this store too, or was it my car, or was it ON my car?
I took my time doing my grocery shopping and went over my budget by double, but that is what happens when you run out of everything all at once. When I came back out to my car, it still smelled a little, but not anywhere near as much... until I opened my car door. It smelled like a skunk had crawled in and let loose!
I started wondering if I had even seen a skunk or road kill on my way to Targae and had no recollection. I must have driven through something though. I drove home with all of my windows down in an attempt to air it out, and then I left them cracked over night in hopes the smell would be gone over night.
No dice. This morning my car still smelled like I had brought home a pet skunk last night. It has stunk all day, even though I keep leaving the windows down. I don't know what to do about it. Obviously the stink got up in my engine compartment somehow. It flat out reeks! I wonder how long I will have to drive around with my windows down before it goes away?
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
6 Weeks
I went to the doctor this week about getting off my meds, and it is going to take 6 weeks to be med free. My doctor felt that because of the dosage I was on and for the length of time I was on them, it would be best to slowly wean me off them, which is just fine with me. I was kind of surprised, as I thought he would have me done in a couple of weeks, but I totally trust his recommendation. I have been on half my normal dose for a couple of days now and haven't noticed even the slightest difference, which is great news. I just hope it continues to go this smoothly. Honestly, I think it will. I went my whole life without being on antidepressants, and the only reason I went on them a year ago is because I was having a hard time with Post Partum Depression.
As for life lately, well it has just been plain busy. I am definitely not on the blogs as much anymore, but I do catch up whenever I get the chance. I have taken the pressure off of myself to read each and every single update on both of my blogs, as well as my need to post frequently. If I don't feel like getting on to post or read one day, I don't. It has been so nice to allow myself to enjoy life without adding stress of keeping up on 85+ blogs and posting on 2. And honestly, I don't think anyone really notices all that much. They might think, "Hey, she hasn't commented on my blog for a few days," but I doubt any of you get upset about it. I know I don't when it goes the other way. I just figure you are living life, and you'll catch up when you have time. I do still have nights where I tell my husband I want to blog after we put the baby to bed, and he is okay with that as long as he gets the majority of my nights all to himself.
Not much has been going on lately. I'm just waiting for AF to rear next week, and then its full tilt to baby production for the first time in over 2 years. I am excited and hopeful to be back in the game. I've been gearing up and lining out battle plans. DH is aware of his responsibilities in this task. I told him just when and how many times he will need to perform, and I have given him plenty of notice so he won't have any excuses when the time comes. I've been trying to pump him up. lol
That's it on my end. I hope ya'll are doing great!
As for life lately, well it has just been plain busy. I am definitely not on the blogs as much anymore, but I do catch up whenever I get the chance. I have taken the pressure off of myself to read each and every single update on both of my blogs, as well as my need to post frequently. If I don't feel like getting on to post or read one day, I don't. It has been so nice to allow myself to enjoy life without adding stress of keeping up on 85+ blogs and posting on 2. And honestly, I don't think anyone really notices all that much. They might think, "Hey, she hasn't commented on my blog for a few days," but I doubt any of you get upset about it. I know I don't when it goes the other way. I just figure you are living life, and you'll catch up when you have time. I do still have nights where I tell my husband I want to blog after we put the baby to bed, and he is okay with that as long as he gets the majority of my nights all to himself.
Not much has been going on lately. I'm just waiting for AF to rear next week, and then its full tilt to baby production for the first time in over 2 years. I am excited and hopeful to be back in the game. I've been gearing up and lining out battle plans. DH is aware of his responsibilities in this task. I told him just when and how many times he will need to perform, and I have given him plenty of notice so he won't have any excuses when the time comes. I've been trying to pump him up. lol
That's it on my end. I hope ya'll are doing great!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Spoiled
First of all I want to say I have every intention of catching up on every post I have missed from Jill in her recent series of posts. I will be doing that this weekend, and then commenting like crazy. Just know that is coming up and that I haven't forgotten you Jill!
Lately the Munchkin and I have been getting spoiled, and we're both loving it.
Today I went for my first ever pedicure. That's right, I'm 31 and have never had a pedi before. Don't ask me how that is possible. I've only ever had one manicure in my life before too. I guess I would rather squander my money on other things like peanut butter M&M.s, music, food, or something else stupid. *insert big stupid grin* I do have to say I really enjoyed the pedi and being pampered. I went with my friend J who was going to get her nails done. Since she was going to be a while (she was getting a new full set), I opted for the "Deluxe" pedi. That's the one where they rub your legs down and put your feet in paraffin. It was pretty dang sweet. At the end of it they painted my toe nails, and for $5 extra I had them paint a design on my big toes, which turned out awesome. I really enjoyed the experience, but at the end of the day, I can't say it was completely worth the price. It was great for a one-time thing, and for an intro to pedi's, but I think next time I will opt for the less expensive option.
When I told DH I was going for a pedi with J, he told me it was a good thing my new allowance started on Wednesday of this week, rather than Monday, which is how it will be going forward. I laughed and said, yep, it was a good thing. I think he was relieved when I got home and said I wouldn't be getting pedi's very often. Honestly, I have a massage membership to Ma.ssage. E.vy, and I would rather spend my money getting a full body rub down. Speaking of which, I really need to go use my free massages. I think I have about 9 or 10 now. :D
As for the Munchkin, a friend of ours from church gave us a free toddler Pl.ay Sc.hool slide and picnic table. The guy has four daughters, and the youngest is around 4 or 5, so needless to say, they have all outgrown toddler playground equipment. We were more than happy to take it off his hands, and the Munchkin LOVES it. In the past week she has gotten a pool, a tree swing, a toddler slide, and a toddler picnic table. She might be too young to know what it feels like to be spoiled, but her mama sure feels it for her.
I took pictures this week of her and I in our pool and Sadie dog in her pool, as well as pictures of the Munchkin playing on her new playground equipment, but I can't find the stupid camera cable to download the pictures. Grrr! I took pictures just for you gals! I'll have to find it this weekend and upload them later.
Hopefully my sweet blog friend Hannah will be spoiled too and receive a BFP soon. She had two embies transfered this past Thursday. If you can spare a minute, hope over to her blog and send her some love and prayers as she battles the angst of the dreaded TWW.
I hope those of you in the US have a safe and happy Independence Day this Sunday. Be sure to exercise caution and safety when lighting fireworks, and always remember to point the tanks that shoot firecrackers away from your face. :p
Lately the Munchkin and I have been getting spoiled, and we're both loving it.
Today I went for my first ever pedicure. That's right, I'm 31 and have never had a pedi before. Don't ask me how that is possible. I've only ever had one manicure in my life before too. I guess I would rather squander my money on other things like peanut butter M&M.s, music, food, or something else stupid. *insert big stupid grin* I do have to say I really enjoyed the pedi and being pampered. I went with my friend J who was going to get her nails done. Since she was going to be a while (she was getting a new full set), I opted for the "Deluxe" pedi. That's the one where they rub your legs down and put your feet in paraffin. It was pretty dang sweet. At the end of it they painted my toe nails, and for $5 extra I had them paint a design on my big toes, which turned out awesome. I really enjoyed the experience, but at the end of the day, I can't say it was completely worth the price. It was great for a one-time thing, and for an intro to pedi's, but I think next time I will opt for the less expensive option.
When I told DH I was going for a pedi with J, he told me it was a good thing my new allowance started on Wednesday of this week, rather than Monday, which is how it will be going forward. I laughed and said, yep, it was a good thing. I think he was relieved when I got home and said I wouldn't be getting pedi's very often. Honestly, I have a massage membership to Ma.ssage. E.vy, and I would rather spend my money getting a full body rub down. Speaking of which, I really need to go use my free massages. I think I have about 9 or 10 now. :D
As for the Munchkin, a friend of ours from church gave us a free toddler Pl.ay Sc.hool slide and picnic table. The guy has four daughters, and the youngest is around 4 or 5, so needless to say, they have all outgrown toddler playground equipment. We were more than happy to take it off his hands, and the Munchkin LOVES it. In the past week she has gotten a pool, a tree swing, a toddler slide, and a toddler picnic table. She might be too young to know what it feels like to be spoiled, but her mama sure feels it for her.
I took pictures this week of her and I in our pool and Sadie dog in her pool, as well as pictures of the Munchkin playing on her new playground equipment, but I can't find the stupid camera cable to download the pictures. Grrr! I took pictures just for you gals! I'll have to find it this weekend and upload them later.
Hopefully my sweet blog friend Hannah will be spoiled too and receive a BFP soon. She had two embies transfered this past Thursday. If you can spare a minute, hope over to her blog and send her some love and prayers as she battles the angst of the dreaded TWW.
I hope those of you in the US have a safe and happy Independence Day this Sunday. Be sure to exercise caution and safety when lighting fireworks, and always remember to point the tanks that shoot firecrackers away from your face. :p
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
The Boring Blogger
Dear blog friends, I am sorry for being such a boring blogger lately. I just haven't had much to write about. I mean, all I do every day is lay around on my backside and heal. Boring!
Last week I was kind of crazy though and went on a cleaning rampage around my house. It needed a good, deep clean, and I took this time off as an opportunity to both clean my house and overdo it after my surgery. I'm not sure if all I have done the last 4 or so days is sleep because I'm tired from overdoing it last week, or if it is because I'm bored. Seriously though, all I want to do is sleep.
Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying each and every single second of this recovery and the opportunity it has afforded me to slow down a bit. I think I will be back to work before I am really truly ready. But then again, are we ever ready? Not only that, but I know that the chances of me having time off like this from work again are not very likely. Next time I have uterine surgery, it had better be to deliver a full-term baby! Even then, I won't be lounging around with nothing to do but sleep. So, as I said, I am enjoying it.
I actually have a few things I could and should still be working on while I have so much free time, like the curtains I have been trying to put together for the last few months. But for some reason, I lack the motivation to do that right now. I still have another week before going back to work, and I know that if I tell myself now I will get them done by the end of this week, they will get done, so that will be my goal -- to get the curtains done by the end of the week.
When I went home to see my parents last month, my dad gave me a bunch of my grandma's old jewelry that his sisters didn't want. Upon looking through it, I noticed a common theme: it was all broken. My dad offered it to my sister first, as she makes jewelry for a living, but she declined, so I took it and told my dad I would repurpose it myself. In that bag of beat down necklaces, I found a ring. I pulled it out and tried it on. It was broken and the stones had been removed. My dad told me it was my grandma's engagement ring. I was gobsmacked, why hadn't his sisters wanted that? It is easy enough to fix. Who cares why they didn't? I was all over taking it off their hands.
I plan on taking my grandma's ring to a couple of jewelers tomorrow to get estimates on how much it will cost to repair it. I can't afford to have diamonds set back in it, but my grandparents lived near a mountain that has abundant topaz. They used to go out there and mine topaz just for fun. I decided that clear topaz is just as pretty as diamonds, and it has meaning to me, especially for the ring, because of it's history with my grandparents.
The thought of having that ring repaired is so exciting to me. I have told DH that that is what I want for Christmas. Depending on how much it will cost to repair it, I might tell him I want it for our anniversary instead.
In closing I wanted to point out that I changed my profile picture for something a little cuter. I can tell you, that is pretty much how I feel these days. Speaking of which, its bed time, so I'm outta here.
Last week I was kind of crazy though and went on a cleaning rampage around my house. It needed a good, deep clean, and I took this time off as an opportunity to both clean my house and overdo it after my surgery. I'm not sure if all I have done the last 4 or so days is sleep because I'm tired from overdoing it last week, or if it is because I'm bored. Seriously though, all I want to do is sleep.
Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying each and every single second of this recovery and the opportunity it has afforded me to slow down a bit. I think I will be back to work before I am really truly ready. But then again, are we ever ready? Not only that, but I know that the chances of me having time off like this from work again are not very likely. Next time I have uterine surgery, it had better be to deliver a full-term baby! Even then, I won't be lounging around with nothing to do but sleep. So, as I said, I am enjoying it.
I actually have a few things I could and should still be working on while I have so much free time, like the curtains I have been trying to put together for the last few months. But for some reason, I lack the motivation to do that right now. I still have another week before going back to work, and I know that if I tell myself now I will get them done by the end of this week, they will get done, so that will be my goal -- to get the curtains done by the end of the week.
When I went home to see my parents last month, my dad gave me a bunch of my grandma's old jewelry that his sisters didn't want. Upon looking through it, I noticed a common theme: it was all broken. My dad offered it to my sister first, as she makes jewelry for a living, but she declined, so I took it and told my dad I would repurpose it myself. In that bag of beat down necklaces, I found a ring. I pulled it out and tried it on. It was broken and the stones had been removed. My dad told me it was my grandma's engagement ring. I was gobsmacked, why hadn't his sisters wanted that? It is easy enough to fix. Who cares why they didn't? I was all over taking it off their hands.
I plan on taking my grandma's ring to a couple of jewelers tomorrow to get estimates on how much it will cost to repair it. I can't afford to have diamonds set back in it, but my grandparents lived near a mountain that has abundant topaz. They used to go out there and mine topaz just for fun. I decided that clear topaz is just as pretty as diamonds, and it has meaning to me, especially for the ring, because of it's history with my grandparents.
The thought of having that ring repaired is so exciting to me. I have told DH that that is what I want for Christmas. Depending on how much it will cost to repair it, I might tell him I want it for our anniversary instead.
In closing I wanted to point out that I changed my profile picture for something a little cuter. I can tell you, that is pretty much how I feel these days. Speaking of which, its bed time, so I'm outta here.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Living In The Moment
Living in the moment has not always been easy for me, as I am sure is the case with most people. When I was younger, I had a hard time giving up the past. I didn't want to grow up when I was a child, and became depressed when I went into middle school because I wasn't ready to be an adult. Sometime after I graduated from high school, I was constantly living in the future, wishing my life away. I was always trying to get to the better things in life that were just around the bend. I couldn't wait to graduate from college, start a professional job, get married, start a family, get through each month of treatments to see if I would get a BFP, get through each week of pregnancy so that I was that much more pregnant, start trying for another baby, passing a year without being able to try, and getting my surgery over with.
Over the past 16 months though, I have really started to learn how to live in the moment. For the first time, I want each moment to pause, to last a little bit longer so I can savor it, hold it in my hand, and cherish it.
When my daughter was born and I went through PPD, I had the hardest time with each second that passed. Every minute that went by was painful. I was so afraid that if I went to sleep, I would wake up the next morning, and my daughter would be 16. I was honest to God afraid that would happen. That I would miss her entire life in the blink of an eye. As a result, I couldn't and wouldn't sleep, which made the PPD worse. The inability to sleep due to excessive worry is apparently one of the big signs of PPD.
I was caught between feeling each moment painfully pass by and the strong, painful desire to be pregnant again. I couldn't have both. Either I wanted time to stand still, or I wanted it to pass in the blink of an eye. Which was it? That just made everything even harder.
After I finally sought help for my PPD, I started to learn to live in the moment, while being able to be appreciative of my past and hopeful for my future. I didn't want to wish away one second of the Munchkin's life, which meant I had to realize that eventually the future would be on my doorstep, and I would be pregnant with a sibling (so I hope) soon enough. In the meantime, I enjoyed being with the baby I fought so hard to bring into this world. I cherish each and every second I am with her. I do wish time would slow down so this could last a little bit longer, but that is okay because I am living in the present.
The only part of my life that I wish away anymore is when I'm at work (let's be honest, who doesn't?), but it is only because I want to get to the good part of my day -- being with my family.
Life is for living, and we can't do that if we can't let go of the past and if we can't focus on anything but the future. It is okay reminisce about the old days, and it is okay to be excited and hopeful for the future, as long as we remember to live in the moment.
Over the past 16 months though, I have really started to learn how to live in the moment. For the first time, I want each moment to pause, to last a little bit longer so I can savor it, hold it in my hand, and cherish it.
When my daughter was born and I went through PPD, I had the hardest time with each second that passed. Every minute that went by was painful. I was so afraid that if I went to sleep, I would wake up the next morning, and my daughter would be 16. I was honest to God afraid that would happen. That I would miss her entire life in the blink of an eye. As a result, I couldn't and wouldn't sleep, which made the PPD worse. The inability to sleep due to excessive worry is apparently one of the big signs of PPD.
I was caught between feeling each moment painfully pass by and the strong, painful desire to be pregnant again. I couldn't have both. Either I wanted time to stand still, or I wanted it to pass in the blink of an eye. Which was it? That just made everything even harder.
After I finally sought help for my PPD, I started to learn to live in the moment, while being able to be appreciative of my past and hopeful for my future. I didn't want to wish away one second of the Munchkin's life, which meant I had to realize that eventually the future would be on my doorstep, and I would be pregnant with a sibling (so I hope) soon enough. In the meantime, I enjoyed being with the baby I fought so hard to bring into this world. I cherish each and every second I am with her. I do wish time would slow down so this could last a little bit longer, but that is okay because I am living in the present.
The only part of my life that I wish away anymore is when I'm at work (let's be honest, who doesn't?), but it is only because I want to get to the good part of my day -- being with my family.
Life is for living, and we can't do that if we can't let go of the past and if we can't focus on anything but the future. It is okay reminisce about the old days, and it is okay to be excited and hopeful for the future, as long as we remember to live in the moment.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Updates Galore
Okay, so there aren't that many updates, but there are a couple. First up, I went and saw my RE today for my post surgery follow-up. It was an awesome appointment, and one that left me giddy all day. For those awesome details, visit this post.
Thank you to everyone for your advice on the FB ordeal. It was really fun to read all of your responses. I got a good chuckle out of it. In the end, I went ahead and friended her. Like most of you suggested, I will probably unfriend her later. *evil laugh* She can snoop, see how fantastic my life is, and then be done. I mean, I kind of enjoyed doing the same with her. I can say, she has apparently turned into quite the artist. I wish I was able to express my creativity with paint the way she does. I'm quite envious. I am also a little surprised that she isn't married. When I knew her previously she was slightly overweight, but she was still an above average looking girl. Now she is quite pretty and thin. Maybe I'll send her a message and say hello again. Like you all said, I have no idea what was going on in her life a couple of years ago, and maybe seeing my life was a sore spot for her. She probably saw me happy and married, all the while ignorant to what my life really was, as I was in the thick of infertility treatments. The grass is always greener, eh?
As for my BIL, we haven't been in contact since before the Munchkin's birthday in February. She did call my husband a couple of weeks ago and ripped him a new one about the fact that her dad had more pictures than I ever gave her, and that he had recent ones. Had I known she was yelling at him about that, I would have taken the phone and given her Cain for it. I still stand firm, if she wants to be a part of my family, she needs to apologize and be sincere about it, not call and rip my husband a new one for things that go on between her and I.
I did ask DH after that phone call if he wanted me to send her pictures and cards. He told me that if he thought she needed those things, he would send them, so the fact that he hadn't meant he agreed with me. That made me feel better. Since his grandpa died, he has been sticking up for his mom a bit more, so I wanted to make sure it was okay if I kept my end of the deal with her.
Anyway, I have much better things going on in my life, and I am really focused on them and moving forward. I have a great idea for a post, and I am excited to write it up after this one. :D
Thank you to everyone for your advice on the FB ordeal. It was really fun to read all of your responses. I got a good chuckle out of it. In the end, I went ahead and friended her. Like most of you suggested, I will probably unfriend her later. *evil laugh* She can snoop, see how fantastic my life is, and then be done. I mean, I kind of enjoyed doing the same with her. I can say, she has apparently turned into quite the artist. I wish I was able to express my creativity with paint the way she does. I'm quite envious. I am also a little surprised that she isn't married. When I knew her previously she was slightly overweight, but she was still an above average looking girl. Now she is quite pretty and thin. Maybe I'll send her a message and say hello again. Like you all said, I have no idea what was going on in her life a couple of years ago, and maybe seeing my life was a sore spot for her. She probably saw me happy and married, all the while ignorant to what my life really was, as I was in the thick of infertility treatments. The grass is always greener, eh?
As for my BIL, we haven't been in contact since before the Munchkin's birthday in February. She did call my husband a couple of weeks ago and ripped him a new one about the fact that her dad had more pictures than I ever gave her, and that he had recent ones. Had I known she was yelling at him about that, I would have taken the phone and given her Cain for it. I still stand firm, if she wants to be a part of my family, she needs to apologize and be sincere about it, not call and rip my husband a new one for things that go on between her and I.
I did ask DH after that phone call if he wanted me to send her pictures and cards. He told me that if he thought she needed those things, he would send them, so the fact that he hadn't meant he agreed with me. That made me feel better. Since his grandpa died, he has been sticking up for his mom a bit more, so I wanted to make sure it was okay if I kept my end of the deal with her.
Anyway, I have much better things going on in my life, and I am really focused on them and moving forward. I have a great idea for a post, and I am excited to write it up after this one. :D
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Turning Point Part II
If you missed the last post, I recommend reading it before delving into this one, as it has the entire back story.
I left off with all of you feeling warm and fuzzy about my first love. It was a great time in my life, and one I remember fondly.
About 6 months into our relationship, things started to go south. He started to get depressed. We were about to graduate from high school and move onto real life. I don't know if it was the magnitude of that hitting him, but he was changing. He started to become dark. He had gone from being sweet to almost being cruel. I asked him many times if he wanted to break up, and he assured me he didn't. He told me I was the only thing good he had in his life. He asked me to be patient and to please stay with him. I loved him, so I did. As he went off the deep end, I went with him. I will spare you all the details of the next month, as it is just a sad story.
I realized on July 24th, our relationship was over when his parents asked me for his class ring back. They made up a story about wanting to get it engraved. I knew the truth. He was too much of a chicken to tell me goodbye to my face. In the two weeks that followed, our phone calls didn't happen every night anymore, and when they did, they were depressing. Then one day he told me he was going to live with his grandpa for a while to help out on his ranch . He told me to wait for him, and that he would call me when he got back and had things figured out. I never heard from him again.
In the weeks that I waited for his call, I wrote him letters. I poured out all of my feelings about what he was doing to me. Some of them I never intended to send, while others I knew I wanted him to read. Two weeks before I was to go off to college, I wrote him the final letter in which I called him a coward. I told him that I was done waiting, and that I was moving on with my life. As I always do when I part with someone, good or bad, I wished him all the best in his life.
Within the first month at college I had a new boyfriend (I had taken some bad advice to move on by finding someone new ASAP). We dated for about 4 months before my feelings for my previous boyfriend prevented me from feeling anything toward the current one. Who, by the way, was the most perfect man I have ever dated. Not perfect for me, but just perfect in general. We should have worked out, but I had too much baggage. The sad thing is, I didn't cry because we didn't work out, I cried because I missed my old boyfriend still. After we broke up, I refused to date. I didn't want to be looked at by guys, touched by them, or even breathed on by them.
I was going through my turning point. I was discovering myself and my worth. I began making all of the relationships in my life closer. I started to appreciate all of my family and friends even more. I was realizing what I really wanted in a husband. My whole life was doing a complete 180 from where I had been before I met him. Maybe that would have eventually happened had I not met him, but he got the ball rolling. I learned so much about myself and who I was as a person. I laid out what I thought was acceptable behavior from people around me and what wasn't. I was going from someone who was borderline bitter for no reason to someone who was appreciative of life and everything it had to offer.
The woman who popped out the other side was a woman completely different from the girl who went in.
Two days before I married my husband, I had a dream that I went back to my first love's house. His mother answered the door and was so excited to see me. Like her son, she thought I had returned to marry him. When he came around the corner, we embraced, and he began to tell me he knew I would come back. I sat him down on the couch and told him that I was actually going to be married to someone else in a few days. I informed him I had only come to thank him for being such an important part of my life. I didn't regret one bit of our relationship, and that all of it made me who I am today. I had learned so much from the experience, and I was grateful for the blessing it was in my life, even if it was hard at the end of it and for years afterward. My life would have been so different had he not been in it.
As I always do, I wished him all the best in his life and hoped that he found happiness because he deserved it. I then walked out of his life for good.
I wouldn't change a thing.
I left off with all of you feeling warm and fuzzy about my first love. It was a great time in my life, and one I remember fondly.
About 6 months into our relationship, things started to go south. He started to get depressed. We were about to graduate from high school and move onto real life. I don't know if it was the magnitude of that hitting him, but he was changing. He started to become dark. He had gone from being sweet to almost being cruel. I asked him many times if he wanted to break up, and he assured me he didn't. He told me I was the only thing good he had in his life. He asked me to be patient and to please stay with him. I loved him, so I did. As he went off the deep end, I went with him. I will spare you all the details of the next month, as it is just a sad story.
I realized on July 24th, our relationship was over when his parents asked me for his class ring back. They made up a story about wanting to get it engraved. I knew the truth. He was too much of a chicken to tell me goodbye to my face. In the two weeks that followed, our phone calls didn't happen every night anymore, and when they did, they were depressing. Then one day he told me he was going to live with his grandpa for a while to help out on his ranch . He told me to wait for him, and that he would call me when he got back and had things figured out. I never heard from him again.
In the weeks that I waited for his call, I wrote him letters. I poured out all of my feelings about what he was doing to me. Some of them I never intended to send, while others I knew I wanted him to read. Two weeks before I was to go off to college, I wrote him the final letter in which I called him a coward. I told him that I was done waiting, and that I was moving on with my life. As I always do when I part with someone, good or bad, I wished him all the best in his life.
Within the first month at college I had a new boyfriend (I had taken some bad advice to move on by finding someone new ASAP). We dated for about 4 months before my feelings for my previous boyfriend prevented me from feeling anything toward the current one. Who, by the way, was the most perfect man I have ever dated. Not perfect for me, but just perfect in general. We should have worked out, but I had too much baggage. The sad thing is, I didn't cry because we didn't work out, I cried because I missed my old boyfriend still. After we broke up, I refused to date. I didn't want to be looked at by guys, touched by them, or even breathed on by them.
I was going through my turning point. I was discovering myself and my worth. I began making all of the relationships in my life closer. I started to appreciate all of my family and friends even more. I was realizing what I really wanted in a husband. My whole life was doing a complete 180 from where I had been before I met him. Maybe that would have eventually happened had I not met him, but he got the ball rolling. I learned so much about myself and who I was as a person. I laid out what I thought was acceptable behavior from people around me and what wasn't. I was going from someone who was borderline bitter for no reason to someone who was appreciative of life and everything it had to offer.
The woman who popped out the other side was a woman completely different from the girl who went in.
Two days before I married my husband, I had a dream that I went back to my first love's house. His mother answered the door and was so excited to see me. Like her son, she thought I had returned to marry him. When he came around the corner, we embraced, and he began to tell me he knew I would come back. I sat him down on the couch and told him that I was actually going to be married to someone else in a few days. I informed him I had only come to thank him for being such an important part of my life. I didn't regret one bit of our relationship, and that all of it made me who I am today. I had learned so much from the experience, and I was grateful for the blessing it was in my life, even if it was hard at the end of it and for years afterward. My life would have been so different had he not been in it.
As I always do, I wished him all the best in his life and hoped that he found happiness because he deserved it. I then walked out of his life for good.
I wouldn't change a thing.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Turning Point Part I
Everyone has that one iconic moment in their lives where they look back and realize that was a major turning point. For some it happens sooner than for others, and for some these moments occur more than just once or twice. There is always one where you realize you have morphed from a child into an adult complete with freedom and responsibility. Sometimes there is one that shapes you into who you are today. Sometimes there is one that throws you off the path you thought your life was supposed to follow, but instead takes a completely different direction.
I often think about the turning points in my life. The first was my biggest and forever changed my outlook on myself, the people in my life, and my future. I look back on that time in my life when I was only 18 years old, and even though at the time it was one of the hardest times of my life, I wouldn't change a single thing. I went through everything I did so that I could become who I am today. That moment also made me realize I was becoming an adult, and that it was time to put away silly school girl fantasies and welcome myself to the reality of life.
About two weeks before my 18th birthday I met the first and only guy I ever truly loved besides my husband. He is the only guy who is not related to me to ever hear, "I love you," from my lips. Don't get me wrong, I dated a lot, but my love was never something I threw around frivolously. It meant something to me, and so I would only bestow it on men who really, truly deserved it. My mother often told me I was cold hearted when I didn't care after I broke up with guys. She never understood I never got emotionally attached unless I thought the guy had some serious potential.
For the next 7 months, our relationship had the classic Romeo and Juliet feel, right down to burning the candle from both ends. He lived three hours away from me, but we met at a weekend high school honor band function held at one of the state universities. The funny thing is, I was there to hook up with a guy I had met there the year before. But this new guy wouldn't have it. He wouldn't give me up for the world. He saw me going after the man I was there to pursue, but he intervened every chance he got. Eventually the other guy just backed down. To the victor went the spoils.
We decided after that one weekend that we wanted to be together and would do whatever it took to make it happen. He was more determined than I was and had the means to make it possible, so he did.
We would talk on the phone every single night for hours. He drove three hours out to my house almost every single weekend. Some weekends he would drive out to pick me up and take me back to his house, doing two 6-hour round trips in one weekend. I still can't believe his parents were completely okay with it.
Our love was sweet and gentle. It started out softly, and it grew stronger by the day. He was the first and only guy who ever wrote me love poems and letters. All of which are safely tucked away in my cedar chest. I had kissed many guys before him, but I had never french kissed before him. He was my first. I had thrown away my first kiss on a guy who was not worthy, so I had to makeup for the horrible first kiss by making the first french kiss special, meaningful, and full of desire.
We loved each other so much. We often talked about running away to Reno to get married. We went so far as to buy wedding bands, and once had his mother obtain a marriage certificate for us so we could fake out our friends. More than once we would get in his beat up little Ford truck and hop on the freeway to Reno. We would drive and say, "I am serious. I want to do this. Are you sure you do?" We were both serious. But for some reason, we never made it. Who knows why, perhaps it was divine intervention. I don't remember ever turning around or one of us backing out. Chances are I was the one who always got cold feet.
I thought or chances of ending up married one day were really good. We had a plan that included him building our house on a ranch where we could raise all sorts of animals and start a big family. We both wanted five kids. It all seemed so perfect.
I was still a naive child. My eyes were about to be opened.
To keep this post from being seriously long, I am going to break it up into two parts. Tonight I want to leave you with the warm, fuzzy part of the sweet innocence that is young love. Wrap yourself in it and breathe it in. Ah to be young again and experience all the thrills of the chase.
I often think about the turning points in my life. The first was my biggest and forever changed my outlook on myself, the people in my life, and my future. I look back on that time in my life when I was only 18 years old, and even though at the time it was one of the hardest times of my life, I wouldn't change a single thing. I went through everything I did so that I could become who I am today. That moment also made me realize I was becoming an adult, and that it was time to put away silly school girl fantasies and welcome myself to the reality of life.
About two weeks before my 18th birthday I met the first and only guy I ever truly loved besides my husband. He is the only guy who is not related to me to ever hear, "I love you," from my lips. Don't get me wrong, I dated a lot, but my love was never something I threw around frivolously. It meant something to me, and so I would only bestow it on men who really, truly deserved it. My mother often told me I was cold hearted when I didn't care after I broke up with guys. She never understood I never got emotionally attached unless I thought the guy had some serious potential.
For the next 7 months, our relationship had the classic Romeo and Juliet feel, right down to burning the candle from both ends. He lived three hours away from me, but we met at a weekend high school honor band function held at one of the state universities. The funny thing is, I was there to hook up with a guy I had met there the year before. But this new guy wouldn't have it. He wouldn't give me up for the world. He saw me going after the man I was there to pursue, but he intervened every chance he got. Eventually the other guy just backed down. To the victor went the spoils.
We decided after that one weekend that we wanted to be together and would do whatever it took to make it happen. He was more determined than I was and had the means to make it possible, so he did.
We would talk on the phone every single night for hours. He drove three hours out to my house almost every single weekend. Some weekends he would drive out to pick me up and take me back to his house, doing two 6-hour round trips in one weekend. I still can't believe his parents were completely okay with it.
Our love was sweet and gentle. It started out softly, and it grew stronger by the day. He was the first and only guy who ever wrote me love poems and letters. All of which are safely tucked away in my cedar chest. I had kissed many guys before him, but I had never french kissed before him. He was my first. I had thrown away my first kiss on a guy who was not worthy, so I had to makeup for the horrible first kiss by making the first french kiss special, meaningful, and full of desire.
We loved each other so much. We often talked about running away to Reno to get married. We went so far as to buy wedding bands, and once had his mother obtain a marriage certificate for us so we could fake out our friends. More than once we would get in his beat up little Ford truck and hop on the freeway to Reno. We would drive and say, "I am serious. I want to do this. Are you sure you do?" We were both serious. But for some reason, we never made it. Who knows why, perhaps it was divine intervention. I don't remember ever turning around or one of us backing out. Chances are I was the one who always got cold feet.
I thought or chances of ending up married one day were really good. We had a plan that included him building our house on a ranch where we could raise all sorts of animals and start a big family. We both wanted five kids. It all seemed so perfect.
I was still a naive child. My eyes were about to be opened.
To keep this post from being seriously long, I am going to break it up into two parts. Tonight I want to leave you with the warm, fuzzy part of the sweet innocence that is young love. Wrap yourself in it and breathe it in. Ah to be young again and experience all the thrills of the chase.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Yes, I am Wonderwoman
I want to start off by saying my husband and I have a great marriage. We have a relationship most couples envy. We were definitely made for one another and we both waited until we had found each other to get married. I was 25 when we met, he was 29. Suffice it to say, neither of us settled. My dad told me a while ago that he wished his marriage was as good as mine. My husband and I are complete equals. Neither lets the other get away with crap and we both know it. Our fights are rare and never last long when they do occur.
However, there is one area where our marriage is far from equal, and that is when it comes to housework, maintaining a household, and doing things for the baby. There, I do it all. It drives me INSANE. 99% of our fights stem from his lack of help.
I (from hereon referred to as "Wonder Woman"):
However, there is one area where our marriage is far from equal, and that is when it comes to housework, maintaining a household, and doing things for the baby. There, I do it all. It drives me INSANE. 99% of our fights stem from his lack of help.
I (from hereon referred to as "Wonder Woman"):
- Work a full time job
- Cook
- Clean the house from top to bottom
- Do the laundry for DH and I every other week and twice a week for the baby
- Take care of two dogs (these are my dogs, so I don't mind that he doesn't help here)
- Take the baby to daycare
- Take the baby to doctor appointments
- Take care of the baby
- Get the baby up and ready in the morning
- Bathe and get the baby ready for bed at night
- Give the baby all of her prescription medications, which right now includes three breathing treatments a day due to RSV
- Do the grocery shopping
- Fill the prescriptions
- Do any and all shopping for the house minus the stuff from Lo.wes
- Clean the baby bottles and sippy cups daily
- Clean her breathing treatment mask and cup three times a day
I do it all. My days go from the butt crack of dawn until the late night hours. I rarely get to sit and have time to myself, and when I do, it comes out of the time I should be sleeping, which is usually when I blog.
DH (hereon referred to as "Superman"):
- Works a full time job
- On very, very rare occasions helps me clean up a little bit
- On even more rare occasions, tinkers with a house project
- Watches TV
- Plays with the baby
- Occasionally helps with the baby
- Plays on his computer
Do you see my frustration here? Even more frustrating is the fact that he gives me zero recognition for all that I do. If I complain he doesn't help, he tells me I don't have to do any of it either, and that if I don't want to, I should just stop. Good call Superman. The baby doesn't need to be taken care of and neither do the house or the dogs. Let's just let everything fend for itself while we watch our flesh melt into the couch as we watch TV.
But even more frustrating than that is when I ask him to help out. My God you'd think I asked him to cut off his favorite appendage! The screams can be heard across the galaxy. And then what does Wonder Woman get called? A nag. Let me tell you, I rarely ask him for anything because he is such a pain in the ass about it when I do. So when I do, it is because of days like today where I am emotionally and physically exhausted. My super powers are drained, and I need a little help. I don't think that is too much to ask. After all, I do it all, all of the time!
Yes, I am Wonder Woman, but every now and then, even Wonder Woman needs a little recognition, a little recharge to her super powers, a little break from her crazy insane life of keeping the world at rights. I understand he needs time to recoup at the end of a long work day. My question there is when does Wonder Woman get to recoup?! I worked a long work day too, and then some! It seems like Superman's powers are short lived and the recharge time is incredibly long, like an old laptop battery on its last leg.
During my recharge time, I often blog. He HATES the blog. He LOATHES ICLW. He wines about it. He actually smarts off to me when I want to go to bed early and says in his naggy voice, "Going to bed to blog?" Who cares? It didn't come out of our time together, it comes out of my sleep.
Now I will climb down off my Bitch Box. I sincerely love my husband, and there is no one in this world I would rather be with. He is my everything, and I am nothing without him. I just wish that every now and then he would recharge my battery with a little help when saving the world is too much for me, or for him to let me know he realizes just how much I do. Is that too much to ask?
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
God Bless Texas... But Damn!
I am not a native Texan, I married one, and then gave birth to one. In fact, my Texan husband moved to my home state to find a wife and bring her home. When I tell people that story here in Texas, I always end it with, "Ta da!"
I always knew from the time I was little that I wouldn't live out my life in my home state. It felt like home, but it didn't feel like Home. I always felt like I was supposed to live somewhere bigger and better.
On our first date, DH asked me if I was attached to my home state. My answer, and the one that made me an automatic candidate for a second date, "Hell no!" He still laughs about my response to this day.
We ended up staying there for two years after we got married, first because I couldn't get married and then up and leave my family and everything I knew. I needed to adjust to being married while still in a comfort zone. Then I got a new job and needed to stick it out for at least a year because I knew doing so would pave the way for better, higher paying jobs in Texas. It did.
So almost two and a half years after we were married, we were relocated to Texas. I loved it right away. It felt instantly like Home. The place I would raise my children (if I ever got any), and live out my days. I adjusted quickly, and then good news after good news greeted me, which made it that much easier to get used to.
All of that being said, there are a few things I don't like about Texas.
I always knew from the time I was little that I wouldn't live out my life in my home state. It felt like home, but it didn't feel like Home. I always felt like I was supposed to live somewhere bigger and better.
On our first date, DH asked me if I was attached to my home state. My answer, and the one that made me an automatic candidate for a second date, "Hell no!" He still laughs about my response to this day.
We ended up staying there for two years after we got married, first because I couldn't get married and then up and leave my family and everything I knew. I needed to adjust to being married while still in a comfort zone. Then I got a new job and needed to stick it out for at least a year because I knew doing so would pave the way for better, higher paying jobs in Texas. It did.
So almost two and a half years after we were married, we were relocated to Texas. I loved it right away. It felt instantly like Home. The place I would raise my children (if I ever got any), and live out my days. I adjusted quickly, and then good news after good news greeted me, which made it that much easier to get used to.
All of that being said, there are a few things I don't like about Texas.
- ALLERGIES! - I have never had allergies in my life. Here, one of my best friends is my bottle of Zy.rtec. Everyone told me that if you aren't from around here, you will have allergies for the first few years. They were right. Have you ever had the roof of your mouth itch from allergies? Mine does. I scratch it with my finger and my tongue as best as I can, which usually leaves a welt.
- Flea and Tick Medication for the Dogs - In my home state, I never ever had to think about flea and tick medication. I'm from the Northwest where it is too cold to worry about those pesky pests. Even mosquitoes weren't a problem unless you were in the mountains. Do you have any idea how much flea and tick medication costs for two dogs? It makes me and my wallet cry every month. Not only that, but my dogs only needed HeartG.uard April-November at home. Here they need it year round. I didn't know you could buy that stuff in a 12 month supply until I moved here.
- Hot @$$ Summers - Being from a state where it isn't uncommon for the temps to hit 106 in the summer with zero humidity, I thought I knew what a hot summer was. Boy have I learned the hard way! It got up to 103 here last summer with 60%+ humidity. DAILY. It is gorgeous here, beautiful and lush green, but it gets so stinking hot you can't set foot outside to enjoy it without looking like you just got out of the shower within 5 minutes of setting foot outside.
So that's it. Its not bad that there are only a few things I don't like here. It stacks up well against all of the reasons I didn't like my last home state. I have to say though, I didn't expect things to be more expensive here for me. The cost of living isn't more, but the fact that I have to keep a constant stock of allergy meds and meds for the dogs sure makes me a little sad. If those are the only things I don't like, I guess I will live out my life here, as planned.
God bless Texas!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Ahhh Shane....
Tonight for some reason a funny story from my past popped into my head and I decided it is totally worth sharing. I have said before that in my single days, I was a bit of a player. I loved the thrill of the chase when it came to guys. Once I had gotten them, I quickly got bored and moved onto my next kill. My average high school relationship was two weeks. Once I graduated, that number moved up to a nice, round five weeks. The record before I met my husband was seven months, followed by a few relationships that lasted a whole four months. My attention span was fickle and none of the guys I dated could fit the bill, until I met my husband. Needless to say, I dated a lot and left a few broken hearts out there.
I lost a few really good guy friends when I announced my engagement. Two of which were really hard to say goodbye to. I understood that they were both holding out hope I would one day come to my senses and realize the love of my life was right under my nose. I did love them both dearly, but not in a marriage way. One of them was an ex boyfriend whom I had dated for four months and then could never break the bond between us enough to let him go from my life forever. When I got engaged, however, he respectfully bowed out and told me he could no longer be my friend. I understood why, but it still broke my heart. We'd been good friends for years.
The other was a guy I met in my college internship, his name was Frank. He watched me hunt a delicious fellow in our office for months before finally snagging him. Frank always hoped that things with the other guy would fail so he could move in. Things did fail, and I moved on as I always did, but I never turned the eye to Frank that he wanted. Instead, I made him a dreaded best friend. This was during my senior year of college.
After graduating from college, I moved back home to find a job and start my life. I went back to my college town one weekend to visit a few friends, one of whom was Frank. I brought my current boyfriend, Shawn, with me, as well as my little brother's girlfriend. We spent the majority of our time with Frank. The first night we were at his house Shawn was talking to Frank, who of course thought Shawn was a twat. Frank interrupted Shawn:
Frank: Shane, let me tell you something....
Shawn: Its Shawn.
Frank: What?
Shawn: My name is Shawn.
Frank: Let me tell you something Shane. It doesn't matter what your name is because a month from now, Saige is going to get bored with you, dump you, and move on. And she's going to come to me and we're both going to think back on you and laugh.
I was flabbergasted! I couldn't help but laugh. I know it hurt Shawn's feelings, but it was like a scene right out of the movies. Not only that, but Frank was spot on. He knew me all too well. Within three weeks, Shawn had been kicked to the curb, and I was onto my next kill.
That story still makes me laugh to this day. I wonder if Shane still thinks about it....
I lost a few really good guy friends when I announced my engagement. Two of which were really hard to say goodbye to. I understood that they were both holding out hope I would one day come to my senses and realize the love of my life was right under my nose. I did love them both dearly, but not in a marriage way. One of them was an ex boyfriend whom I had dated for four months and then could never break the bond between us enough to let him go from my life forever. When I got engaged, however, he respectfully bowed out and told me he could no longer be my friend. I understood why, but it still broke my heart. We'd been good friends for years.
The other was a guy I met in my college internship, his name was Frank. He watched me hunt a delicious fellow in our office for months before finally snagging him. Frank always hoped that things with the other guy would fail so he could move in. Things did fail, and I moved on as I always did, but I never turned the eye to Frank that he wanted. Instead, I made him a dreaded best friend. This was during my senior year of college.
After graduating from college, I moved back home to find a job and start my life. I went back to my college town one weekend to visit a few friends, one of whom was Frank. I brought my current boyfriend, Shawn, with me, as well as my little brother's girlfriend. We spent the majority of our time with Frank. The first night we were at his house Shawn was talking to Frank, who of course thought Shawn was a twat. Frank interrupted Shawn:
Frank: Shane, let me tell you something....
Shawn: Its Shawn.
Frank: What?
Shawn: My name is Shawn.
Frank: Let me tell you something Shane. It doesn't matter what your name is because a month from now, Saige is going to get bored with you, dump you, and move on. And she's going to come to me and we're both going to think back on you and laugh.
I was flabbergasted! I couldn't help but laugh. I know it hurt Shawn's feelings, but it was like a scene right out of the movies. Not only that, but Frank was spot on. He knew me all too well. Within three weeks, Shawn had been kicked to the curb, and I was onto my next kill.
That story still makes me laugh to this day. I wonder if Shane still thinks about it....
Monday, December 21, 2009
What I Really Wanted to Write
So yesterday I didn't want to blog about my creepy BIL. I wanted to blog about something much more fun. I don't know about all of you, but the depressing posts are really bringing me down. I don't like being down, and I don't like writing things that are depressing. However, I really needed to get them off my chest so I could move on. Now that I have done that, we can move onto funner things!
First of all, I want to say I think what R and my dad did really worked! My optimism on that front increases daily. I think I am truly free this time! Whenever a thought about her pops into my head (which is getting more and more rare) I think, "I don't give a sh*t," and move onto the next thought. No dwelling, no feelings, nothing. Ptht! Gone!
Secondly, today rocked! Seriously rocked! I got all kinds of Christmas presents in the mail from my family (all of which are perched under the tree waiting for Christmas), four Christmas cards to hang on my railing (which now makes a baker's dozen), and had three guests show up. Today felt like Christmas. On top of which, I am currently on a two week vacation from work so I can spend time with the best present of all, my baby. The two of us had a mostly fun-filled day. Not to mention the weather is gorgeous.
I also found my little sticky note that had the list of things I wanted to blog about. I mentioned this in the blog that got deleted yesterday. I don't know if you remember that one or not. When I found the sticky note today, I realized it really didn't have anything of great importance on it after all, which made me laugh because I thought all of the bullet points on it were huge when I wrote them down.
There was one thing on there that I am really excited about though. Last week two emails hit my work inbox that got my toes tingling. The first was a teaser asking if anyone in the office would be interested in joining Wei.ght Wat.chers if the company brought them in. We would still have to pay for the membership, but it would be something we could work on while at work. I clicked the "Hell Yes!" button right away. (Okay, so it didn't say "Hell Yes," but I wish it had.) I am 20 lbs heaver than when I got married. 10 of that is my infertility weight still hanging around. I would love to get rid of it and go back to being a hot skinny chick again.
The other one that got me all in a dither was asking if anyone was interested in taking yoga classes AT WORK for 6 weeks during January and February. Again, I clicked the "Hell Yes!" button. I took yoga for a while when I was undergoing infertility treatments and I remember it left me feeling incredible. I had to stop for a couple of months after my laparoscopy to let my body heal, then DH and I moved, and I never found another class afterward. I love yoga. Did I mention this is going to take place AT WORK?! My employer has been looking for ways to boost morale and get their employees healthy. I think they are off to a good start. I love my job!
Anyway, it is almost midnight and I have a fun-filled day ahead of me tomorrow. Not to mention my melatonin kicked in about an hour ago. So I am going to bid you all sweet dreams now. :)
First of all, I want to say I think what R and my dad did really worked! My optimism on that front increases daily. I think I am truly free this time! Whenever a thought about her pops into my head (which is getting more and more rare) I think, "I don't give a sh*t," and move onto the next thought. No dwelling, no feelings, nothing. Ptht! Gone!
Secondly, today rocked! Seriously rocked! I got all kinds of Christmas presents in the mail from my family (all of which are perched under the tree waiting for Christmas), four Christmas cards to hang on my railing (which now makes a baker's dozen), and had three guests show up. Today felt like Christmas. On top of which, I am currently on a two week vacation from work so I can spend time with the best present of all, my baby. The two of us had a mostly fun-filled day. Not to mention the weather is gorgeous.
I also found my little sticky note that had the list of things I wanted to blog about. I mentioned this in the blog that got deleted yesterday. I don't know if you remember that one or not. When I found the sticky note today, I realized it really didn't have anything of great importance on it after all, which made me laugh because I thought all of the bullet points on it were huge when I wrote them down.
There was one thing on there that I am really excited about though. Last week two emails hit my work inbox that got my toes tingling. The first was a teaser asking if anyone in the office would be interested in joining Wei.ght Wat.chers if the company brought them in. We would still have to pay for the membership, but it would be something we could work on while at work. I clicked the "Hell Yes!" button right away. (Okay, so it didn't say "Hell Yes," but I wish it had.) I am 20 lbs heaver than when I got married. 10 of that is my infertility weight still hanging around. I would love to get rid of it and go back to being a hot skinny chick again.
The other one that got me all in a dither was asking if anyone was interested in taking yoga classes AT WORK for 6 weeks during January and February. Again, I clicked the "Hell Yes!" button. I took yoga for a while when I was undergoing infertility treatments and I remember it left me feeling incredible. I had to stop for a couple of months after my laparoscopy to let my body heal, then DH and I moved, and I never found another class afterward. I love yoga. Did I mention this is going to take place AT WORK?! My employer has been looking for ways to boost morale and get their employees healthy. I think they are off to a good start. I love my job!
Anyway, it is almost midnight and I have a fun-filled day ahead of me tomorrow. Not to mention my melatonin kicked in about an hour ago. So I am going to bid you all sweet dreams now. :)
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Rotten Tomatoes
A recent post by Noelle at The Desire of My Heart got me to thinking about all of the people I have wanted to throw rotten tomatoes at during my years of battling infertility. There is one that really sticks out in my mind, and no, I am not talking about my old friend. Although apparently I was not that great at choosing bosom buddies in my youth.
No, no, this friend was worse. The first time I ever saw her, I instantly disliked her (this was back in my more judgemental high school days). I didn't want anything to do with her. I thought she was annoying and stupid. Long story short, we became best friends. I'll leave out most of the details, but she moved away our senior year of high school and we managed to keep touch throughout the years. When we were 23 years old, she moved back on her own. We started hanging out and partying. It was like the old days again.
I told her I was not ready to get married and settle down. I was enjoying the single life too much. As I've mentioned previously, I was a bit of a player. She told me she felt the exact same way. A few months later she met a guy. Three weeks later they were engaged. Two and a half months later they were married. My opinion of her went down like an a-bomb. She had reverted back to being silly and stupid. Apparently she only agreed with me because she was afraid she would never get married. *major eye roll here* So she married the first guy that came along.
Anyhow, she tried to get pregnant for a few months, and the next time I saw her was at a funeral. She was five months pregnant at the time and I was newly married. She sat there and boo-hooed to me about how they had tried for six whole entire months to get pregnant and she had given up when it happened. If I knew what I was in for with my infertility adventures at that time, I would have slapped her silly. I do recall rolling my eyes at her.
About a year and a half later, I was deep in infertility treatments, and she was made aware of this. As most people I knew at the time intended to do when I told them what I was going through, she panicked and decided she needed to start trying to have a baby ASAP to prove she wasn't infertile.
One day she called me out of the blue, crying because she had been trying for three whole months to get pregnant without success. She told me she had made an appointment with a fertility specialist and she was calling to talk to me because she just knew I would understand what she was going through. I didn't. I was angry that she had called to whine to me. I basically told her to stuff it, offered her zero comfort, and gave her a less than half-hearted "good luck" before hanging up with her.
By the time her appointment rolled around, she was two months pregnant. Shocker. I wanted to smack her into next month.
We next talked when I happened to be 10 weeks pregnant. She was all "excited" for me, but when I told her how early I was she told me that I could still miscarry. B****. I thanked her for her concern and told her I had to go.
She recently wrote on my wall on FB to tell me that she is not only pregnant again, but that it is with twins. *add horrible acting where I pretend to jump up and down with glee whilst clapping my hands and bobbing my head from side to side then suddenly stop, give a dirtily look, and flip the bird* Good for you sweetie. Good for you. :
Let me pretend I care.... Nope, can't do it.
At her I throw rotten tomatoes. Many, many tomatoes.
Now tell me if any of you have a story in which you have wished to throw rotten tomatoes at someone so insensitive in your life. Here's your chance to fling a big, juicy, rotting off the vine tomato in the face of someone who deserves it so very much. Fling away friends!
No, no, this friend was worse. The first time I ever saw her, I instantly disliked her (this was back in my more judgemental high school days). I didn't want anything to do with her. I thought she was annoying and stupid. Long story short, we became best friends. I'll leave out most of the details, but she moved away our senior year of high school and we managed to keep touch throughout the years. When we were 23 years old, she moved back on her own. We started hanging out and partying. It was like the old days again.
I told her I was not ready to get married and settle down. I was enjoying the single life too much. As I've mentioned previously, I was a bit of a player. She told me she felt the exact same way. A few months later she met a guy. Three weeks later they were engaged. Two and a half months later they were married. My opinion of her went down like an a-bomb. She had reverted back to being silly and stupid. Apparently she only agreed with me because she was afraid she would never get married. *major eye roll here* So she married the first guy that came along.
Anyhow, she tried to get pregnant for a few months, and the next time I saw her was at a funeral. She was five months pregnant at the time and I was newly married. She sat there and boo-hooed to me about how they had tried for six whole entire months to get pregnant and she had given up when it happened. If I knew what I was in for with my infertility adventures at that time, I would have slapped her silly. I do recall rolling my eyes at her.
About a year and a half later, I was deep in infertility treatments, and she was made aware of this. As most people I knew at the time intended to do when I told them what I was going through, she panicked and decided she needed to start trying to have a baby ASAP to prove she wasn't infertile.
One day she called me out of the blue, crying because she had been trying for three whole months to get pregnant without success. She told me she had made an appointment with a fertility specialist and she was calling to talk to me because she just knew I would understand what she was going through. I didn't. I was angry that she had called to whine to me. I basically told her to stuff it, offered her zero comfort, and gave her a less than half-hearted "good luck" before hanging up with her.
By the time her appointment rolled around, she was two months pregnant. Shocker. I wanted to smack her into next month.
We next talked when I happened to be 10 weeks pregnant. She was all "excited" for me, but when I told her how early I was she told me that I could still miscarry. B****. I thanked her for her concern and told her I had to go.
She recently wrote on my wall on FB to tell me that she is not only pregnant again, but that it is with twins. *add horrible acting where I pretend to jump up and down with glee whilst clapping my hands and bobbing my head from side to side then suddenly stop, give a dirtily look, and flip the bird* Good for you sweetie. Good for you. :
Let me pretend I care.... Nope, can't do it.
At her I throw rotten tomatoes. Many, many tomatoes.
Now tell me if any of you have a story in which you have wished to throw rotten tomatoes at someone so insensitive in your life. Here's your chance to fling a big, juicy, rotting off the vine tomato in the face of someone who deserves it so very much. Fling away friends!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
The One That Got Away
Do you ever have those days where either you just feel nostalgic or you find something from your past that brings up old memories? Do you ever have those weeks or months were you savor the things from your past? The good old days with your friends, your first car, your old boyfriends, your old high school job, high school.
Let me tell you, I opened a time capsule this past weekend. It is amazing to me just how much stuff I have kept from my past. Old writing assignments, old letters from friends, some as far back as middle school, old journals, trinkets from trips and friends. All of this got me to thinking about all of the boys from my past. Yes, I want to call them boys because most of them were. There was, however, one man that my mind wanders off to every now and then. I wonder what he is up to. Wonder what my life would be like had things worked out between us.
Now come on ladies, I know all of you, even though married, have that old fling from your past that you think about from time to time. Let's be honest with ourselves here. I am sure even our husbands have that one woman. Its okay to think about it, to wonder, as long as you don't regret what you have now.
I wonder, do you have dreams about your old boyfriends? I do. Sometimes the dreams are great, and those are the ones where the old boyfriend comes back into my life (or I go back in time), and things end up just the way they are now, with me married to my wonderful husband. Sometimes in the dream I haven't yet met my husband, but I know that the boyfriend from the past isn't The One, and that we have to go our separate ways.
These dreams always get me to thinking about the old boyfriend and how his life has turned out. Is he as happy as I am? If things had worked out between us, where would we be now? How would my life be different?
But at the end of the thought process, I always come back to the same conclusion: I am so happy and content with the way my life is right now that I wouldn't change a single thing. I love my husband more than anything, and I love my daughter just as much. If I wasn't with my husband, my daughter wouldn't be here. How could I ever want that to be different? I couldn't. While it is fun to be nostalgic sometimes, it is more fun to remember how happy I am with my real life.
Let me tell you, I opened a time capsule this past weekend. It is amazing to me just how much stuff I have kept from my past. Old writing assignments, old letters from friends, some as far back as middle school, old journals, trinkets from trips and friends. All of this got me to thinking about all of the boys from my past. Yes, I want to call them boys because most of them were. There was, however, one man that my mind wanders off to every now and then. I wonder what he is up to. Wonder what my life would be like had things worked out between us.
Now come on ladies, I know all of you, even though married, have that old fling from your past that you think about from time to time. Let's be honest with ourselves here. I am sure even our husbands have that one woman. Its okay to think about it, to wonder, as long as you don't regret what you have now.
I wonder, do you have dreams about your old boyfriends? I do. Sometimes the dreams are great, and those are the ones where the old boyfriend comes back into my life (or I go back in time), and things end up just the way they are now, with me married to my wonderful husband. Sometimes in the dream I haven't yet met my husband, but I know that the boyfriend from the past isn't The One, and that we have to go our separate ways.
These dreams always get me to thinking about the old boyfriend and how his life has turned out. Is he as happy as I am? If things had worked out between us, where would we be now? How would my life be different?
But at the end of the thought process, I always come back to the same conclusion: I am so happy and content with the way my life is right now that I wouldn't change a single thing. I love my husband more than anything, and I love my daughter just as much. If I wasn't with my husband, my daughter wouldn't be here. How could I ever want that to be different? I couldn't. While it is fun to be nostalgic sometimes, it is more fun to remember how happy I am with my real life.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Things That Make You Go, "Yes!"
Finally, with the help of a generous backer (aka, interest-free loan from a loved one), I was able to get my car painted!
Thanks to the Texas heat and the proximity of my location to the equator, the sun was not kind to the stock paint and clear coat job of my car. Over the past year+, I have slowly watched my first brand new car go from something lovely, to something ugly.
Not only was she self-conscious, but I was self-conscious for her. I hated driving a car that looked like a clunker when I knew it wasn't. Maybe it is just me, but I felt judged. Especially because the city I live in is very affluent. Everyone around here drives cars that cost upwards of $45K+, and here I am, in my car that looks like a beater. It was hard on our self esteem.
I took her to a body shop and got an estimate. Over the next month and a half, I scraped money together the best I could, but other expenses kept coming up. Finally, a loved one stepped in and offered to loan me the money to take care of my car. I was grateful beyond words. It took me a few days, but I finally accepted.
Last week I dropped my car off on Monday evening, and she was ready to go by Wednesday morning. When I woke up Thursday morning, this is the sight that greeted my eager eyes.
She didn't look this good when she was new! The body shop sanded her down to the metal and then applied three coats of paint and three coats of clear coat. She had one coat of each off the assembly line.
Needless to say, I was stoked. I sent my loved one a picture with a very heart felt thank you, followed up later with a phone call.
I still can't believe how good she looks. I even still have a hard time remembering she doesn't look like a clunker anymore, and so I don't need to shrink down in my seat when I see people I know, or try to sneak into my car after work so no one knows I drive the junky looking car. Both of our self esteems have been returned to where they were the day our relationship began all those many years ago.
I plan on keeping this car for a long time yet. Who knows, it may be my daughter's first car. :D
Thanks to the Texas heat and the proximity of my location to the equator, the sun was not kind to the stock paint and clear coat job of my car. Over the past year+, I have slowly watched my first brand new car go from something lovely, to something ugly.
Imagine this all over the roof and driver's side of the car.
Not only was she self-conscious, but I was self-conscious for her. I hated driving a car that looked like a clunker when I knew it wasn't. Maybe it is just me, but I felt judged. Especially because the city I live in is very affluent. Everyone around here drives cars that cost upwards of $45K+, and here I am, in my car that looks like a beater. It was hard on our self esteem.
I took her to a body shop and got an estimate. Over the next month and a half, I scraped money together the best I could, but other expenses kept coming up. Finally, a loved one stepped in and offered to loan me the money to take care of my car. I was grateful beyond words. It took me a few days, but I finally accepted.
Last week I dropped my car off on Monday evening, and she was ready to go by Wednesday morning. When I woke up Thursday morning, this is the sight that greeted my eager eyes.
She didn't look this good when she was new! The body shop sanded her down to the metal and then applied three coats of paint and three coats of clear coat. She had one coat of each off the assembly line.
Needless to say, I was stoked. I sent my loved one a picture with a very heart felt thank you, followed up later with a phone call.
I still can't believe how good she looks. I even still have a hard time remembering she doesn't look like a clunker anymore, and so I don't need to shrink down in my seat when I see people I know, or try to sneak into my car after work so no one knows I drive the junky looking car. Both of our self esteems have been returned to where they were the day our relationship began all those many years ago.
I plan on keeping this car for a long time yet. Who knows, it may be my daughter's first car. :D
Friday, November 6, 2009
He Didn't Take Any of it With Him
My last post was a segway into this post. I first wanted to get the point across about what a wonderful man I have for a father. I felt it would make this post more meaningful to my readers.
Last week I called my dad in tears, wondering how I was going to keep it all together. It felt like every time I would take one step forward in my life, I would be knocked back two. I never lost sight of what is most important to me, but the line between what was a priority and what wasn't had become too gray for my sanity. We have talked more frequently since my daughter was born and I started dealing with PPD. He has been there for me every step of the way, helping me find my way back, helping me put everything back into perspective.
During our conversation, I remembered what I had temporarily forgotten. This life is not about money, it isn't about clean houses, it isn't about job titles, or possessions. It isn't about looks, weight, or wrinkles. It is about family, friends, love, gratitude, and everything immaterial. All of the stupid things I was worrying or crying about when I called him would be a non-issue weeks, months, or years from that moment. They meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. They were just... things.
One of the last times I saw my grandmother before she died, she gave me some of her prized possessions. She knew that in a short matter of time, they would stay here, and she would depart this mortal coil. It was in that moment that I realized everything is just stuff. We can't take it with us. None of it.
I was relating this to my dad when he told me about how during the days after his father passed, he was standing in front of his dad's closet. My grandma came in and asked what he was doing. My dad replied, "Just looking at all of dad's things. He didn't take any of it with him."
Sure, things can bring us joy and pleasure during our existence on this earth, but they are not the end-all-be-all. They are certainly not anything to fret over. In the end, they mean nothing. Our relationships and who we learn to be during our time here is what matters.
Maybe there isn't anything after this life, and maybe there is. If there isn't, doesn't that making enjoying this life even more important? Why waste it lamenting what isn't? Why not enjoy the things we do have, but most importantly, our relationships with others.
I find myself being kind to everyone. There is worth in everyone. Sometimes it is hidden under the layers of of the person's experiences in life. Sometimes, and is rarely the case, the worth can be very minute, but it is still there. But in general, people are good. We're all here to be happy, to find joy. I find more often than not, people get joy most by bringing joy to others, myself included. Isn't that what it is all about?
If I could teach my daughter just one thing in this life, it would be to find the joy in life, not in possessions. To never let the line between them become gray. Because that is where true happiness lies.
Last week I called my dad in tears, wondering how I was going to keep it all together. It felt like every time I would take one step forward in my life, I would be knocked back two. I never lost sight of what is most important to me, but the line between what was a priority and what wasn't had become too gray for my sanity. We have talked more frequently since my daughter was born and I started dealing with PPD. He has been there for me every step of the way, helping me find my way back, helping me put everything back into perspective.
During our conversation, I remembered what I had temporarily forgotten. This life is not about money, it isn't about clean houses, it isn't about job titles, or possessions. It isn't about looks, weight, or wrinkles. It is about family, friends, love, gratitude, and everything immaterial. All of the stupid things I was worrying or crying about when I called him would be a non-issue weeks, months, or years from that moment. They meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. They were just... things.
One of the last times I saw my grandmother before she died, she gave me some of her prized possessions. She knew that in a short matter of time, they would stay here, and she would depart this mortal coil. It was in that moment that I realized everything is just stuff. We can't take it with us. None of it.
I was relating this to my dad when he told me about how during the days after his father passed, he was standing in front of his dad's closet. My grandma came in and asked what he was doing. My dad replied, "Just looking at all of dad's things. He didn't take any of it with him."
Sure, things can bring us joy and pleasure during our existence on this earth, but they are not the end-all-be-all. They are certainly not anything to fret over. In the end, they mean nothing. Our relationships and who we learn to be during our time here is what matters.
Maybe there isn't anything after this life, and maybe there is. If there isn't, doesn't that making enjoying this life even more important? Why waste it lamenting what isn't? Why not enjoy the things we do have, but most importantly, our relationships with others.
I find myself being kind to everyone. There is worth in everyone. Sometimes it is hidden under the layers of of the person's experiences in life. Sometimes, and is rarely the case, the worth can be very minute, but it is still there. But in general, people are good. We're all here to be happy, to find joy. I find more often than not, people get joy most by bringing joy to others, myself included. Isn't that what it is all about?
If I could teach my daughter just one thing in this life, it would be to find the joy in life, not in possessions. To never let the line between them become gray. Because that is where true happiness lies.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Oh My
I wish that I could say things got a lot better after my last post. They kind of did, but they also kind of got worse. It became apparent Sunday evening that I had caught my first cold in years. By Monday morning I was sporting a sore throat and had to call in sick to work. I also called the daycare and let them know my daughter wouldn't be there that day. Luckily, thanks to the help of my best friend who left work early to help me out, I got my car to the body shop yesterday afternoon. The guy at the shop honored his price from 6 weeks ago, which is a killer deal. He knocked almost $400 off his first estimate just to help me out. His price not only included the paint and clear coat, but he is going to take out all the dents and door dings. He told me he would put her back to showroom quality. I feel very blessed to say the least.
My poor car just has not been feeling good lately, and she has let me know it. In the last 5 weeks I have replaced both coolant hoses, my thermostat, all four tires, new front brakes, a new water pump, an alignment, a new stereo, and now a new paint job. Luckily I got some good deals from everyone involved in these updates, including the stereo. Someone knocked money off of service everywhere I've gone. Again, I feel very blessed.
My car and I have had some serious talks the last few weeks, and I made her promise to give my wallet a break for a while.
A few people have told me I should just get a new car already. I laugh and tell them after all of this, she is practically new. I have totally got my fingers crossed we are good for a while, especially where we have a 9-hour drive one way ahead of us for Thanksgiving. I can't have my car acting up on that trip.
I had to call in sick to work again this morning, and I don't think the outlook for tomorrow is that great either. I don't mind staying home when I don't feel good. I am glad that no one at work wants me there while I am contagious because then I don't feel obligated to be there when I feel like crap. I swear everyone at work carries around wooden stakes and strands of garlic to ward off those who are ill. They practically run you out of there with pitch forks and torches if you dare come in. Yay for me. I'd rather convalesce at home.
Anyhow, that is my update for now. I'm going to go sneeze and cough somewhere else now. Thank heaven for anti-viral tissues, cough drops, and Lysol!
My poor car just has not been feeling good lately, and she has let me know it. In the last 5 weeks I have replaced both coolant hoses, my thermostat, all four tires, new front brakes, a new water pump, an alignment, a new stereo, and now a new paint job. Luckily I got some good deals from everyone involved in these updates, including the stereo. Someone knocked money off of service everywhere I've gone. Again, I feel very blessed.
My car and I have had some serious talks the last few weeks, and I made her promise to give my wallet a break for a while.
A few people have told me I should just get a new car already. I laugh and tell them after all of this, she is practically new. I have totally got my fingers crossed we are good for a while, especially where we have a 9-hour drive one way ahead of us for Thanksgiving. I can't have my car acting up on that trip.
I had to call in sick to work again this morning, and I don't think the outlook for tomorrow is that great either. I don't mind staying home when I don't feel good. I am glad that no one at work wants me there while I am contagious because then I don't feel obligated to be there when I feel like crap. I swear everyone at work carries around wooden stakes and strands of garlic to ward off those who are ill. They practically run you out of there with pitch forks and torches if you dare come in. Yay for me. I'd rather convalesce at home.
Anyhow, that is my update for now. I'm going to go sneeze and cough somewhere else now. Thank heaven for anti-viral tissues, cough drops, and Lysol!
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Gutted
This picture is worth a thousand words. I think it is an accurate representation of how I felt tonight. A coworker of mine carved this pumpkin for our work pumpkin carving contest. Of course it won! Its fantastic!
I hope you all had a fantastic Halloween. Ours was pretty fun. The day started out great, but then I somehow cheesed (ticked off) the fates, and my day took a quick turn for the worst. This morning dawned absolutely gorgeous, perfect for taking pictures, which is exactly what we did this morning. My best friend brought over her Super Camera and we spent the morning taking family pictures for our upcoming Christmas cards, as well as some age marker photos of the baby. It was perfect.
Afterward my friend and I went to the party store to plan a surprise for her sister's birthday on Monday. It all just went downhill from there. Upon getting in the car, I remembered I had an appointment to take the munchkin to the doctor for her flu shot within the next hour. We decided to hurry at the party store, and then rush home afterward. Ha! Of course I chose the wrong route out of the parking lot and we spent more time sitting at a dysfunctional stop light than we did driving. I had called DH and asked him to please get the munchkin up and have her ready as soon as I got home. She normally eats around the time of her pedi visit, but today she was going to have to eat late so I could make it to appointment on time.
Long story short, we were almost 15 minutes late for our appointment simply because we were going to a pedi office I had never been to before and got lost. While trying to find the office, I noticed my car was overheating. Fantastic. While waiting our turn for the shot, I called the mechanic and let them know I would be bringing my car in. On our way out of the pedi appt, I could feel my darling baby girl's tummy growling. You'd never know she was hungry just by looking at her though, she was so happy. Luckily I had some little crunchies in the car, and put some on a burp rag for her to eat on the way to the mechanic.
We hit Every.Single.Red.Light JUST as it turned red all of the way to the mechanic, which wasn't a short distance away from where we were. I am ashamed to say, I lost my cool. Something I rarely do around my daughter, but my car was overheating, and I had a starving baby in the back seat. I was beyond frazzled. Not to mention, I was also starving.
I'll skip details, but it turns out my car is having some major issues. We're not friends right now. She is absolutely bleeding my dry, and it seems to be all happening at once. Basically, I am looking at dumping over a grand into my car for this weekend alone. That doesn't include my pending paint job next week. Yeah, I was in tears by the time I got home from picking my car up, as it sat, blowing off literal steam in my driveway tonight. It has to go back to the shop first thing Monday morning.
Upon walking in the door, I looked over and saw one of the biggest spiders I have ever seen in my entire life sitting casually on my hardwood floor, right smack in the middle of the room.
I HATE SPIDERS!!!!
They give me the willies, and I can't squish them because they always jump at me when I try. So I screamed, "What the HELL is that?!" to DH. Even he was shocked at the size. I burst into tears again, proclaiming it just really was not my day, as he did his manly duty and squished the spider with my shoe.
All I have to say is thank you to the makers of my antidepressants. They really do help me weather days like this a lot better than I would have otherwise.
The night did get better though. I dressed the munchkin up in her Halloween costume and together, we gave out candy to the trick-or-treaters. Every time we opened the door, the munchkin would squeal with delight to see all of the fun costumes. It is amazing how much one little smile or squeal of delight from her can make all of the worries of the world dissolve away.
After a heartfelt talk with my dad tonight, I remembered that life is about living in the moment. Car troubles, cleaning the house, money, and everything else is trivial. The most important thing in this life is to enjoy the time we are given and spending it with those we love and care about. Nothing else really matters.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
The Winds of Change
As of 4:00 yesterday afternoon, things in our house have taken change for the better and will never be the same again.
Hubs has been working and running his own business from home since 6 months into our relationship. Unfortunately, with the economy being the way it was, things slowed down considerably the last year. Needless to say, the need for full time employment became imminent. At first I prayed that his business would pick back up because I was 8 months pregnant when he first posted his resume. I didn't want our baby to go to daycare.
Over the next few months I carefully watched my husband for any signs of stress about money. Luckily he is a penny pincher and so we had a lot of savings to live off of, but as time went on, those savings began to seriously dwindle. Every now and then I would see the panic set in with him, which would always send me off in a downward spiral.
The last few months have been the worst as I watched him go from being picky about what jobs he would consider to being willing to take anything that paid a reasonable amount of money. I saw sides of him I had never seen before and was powerless to help him. All I could do was offer love and support along with words of encouragement.
Then yesterday afternoon, he got the call we have been waiting almost 12 months for, he got a job!
At first I was excited and so relieved. Finally! Finally! A huge weight had been lifted off our shoulders. But then as I went to call my dad to give him the good news, the reality of the situation set in. Before my dad could answer, I was on the verge of tears. My daughter would be going to daycare. My sweet baby girl, whom I fought so hard to get here, and whom had been living the past 9 months at home blissfully with dad, was going to daycare.
I told my dad the news, and then broke down crying for the next half hour. I was so excited and so happy, yet I was so sad and upset. I hate those moments where you feel complete polar opposites with your emotions and there is no middle ground. I was so torn. I know daycare is a good thing. She will have structure, she will be taught, she will learn socialization skills, and all of those other good things. I am sad because she WILL get sick. I know its good because it will build her immune system, but what mother wants to see her child sick and be powerless to bring much comfort?
Now let us not forget all of the preparations that need to be made before she can even go to daycare... like finding one at the last minute! Luckily, I am pretty sure that will not be a problem. We're going to look at a couple facilities tomorrow, both have room, and both are highly accredited. On top of which, I have heard nothing but the best about them from coworkers whose children also attend there. That's not really the part that has my undies in a bunch, its all of the prep work I have to do to get her there. I'm going to need supplies for her to attend. Diapers, wipes in a tub, extra clothes, formula, bottles, baby food, etc. Yes, I already have most of those things, but I have to buy some just for the daycare center, and I have to get everything packed up before Monday.
On top of this, I was scheduled to take my car to a body shop on Monday after work because she is getting repainted after the Texas sun was so brutal to her the last 18 months. This whole business of getting jobs and daycare threw a little wrench in those plans, but I got it ironed out pretty quickly. I'm smart like that.
Now don't get me wrong. I am still so excited about this. In fact, when I woke up this morning most of the trepidation and fear I was feeling the night before were gone. I was onto being happy and relieved, looking at all of the positives.
Remember this post? It was all about our recent financial struggle. My prayers have been answered.
And remember this post? The financial side I alluded to had to do with DH getting this exact job. I asked R if DH would get this job. His answer, "I see two yeses, but a hesitation on your husband's part." DH was interviewed by two people. He accepted the job offer yesterday, and today a job was posted by another employer doing almost the exact same thing for 1.5 times as much money. He has been called by three different recruiters today for this job. Guess who is hesitating tonight? I have to admit, R is on way more than he is off. Am I the only one who finds that kind of ironic?
I think the next week or so will be rough as everyone in this house, including our dogs, adjusts to DH going off to work every day. I mean, that hasn't happened since we've been married! The adjustment period is always the hardest for me. I like being in the swing of things. It will only be a matter of time before everyone is accustomed to the way things are and will be from here on out. It is a good change, and one that we are all looking forward too.
Hubs has been working and running his own business from home since 6 months into our relationship. Unfortunately, with the economy being the way it was, things slowed down considerably the last year. Needless to say, the need for full time employment became imminent. At first I prayed that his business would pick back up because I was 8 months pregnant when he first posted his resume. I didn't want our baby to go to daycare.
Over the next few months I carefully watched my husband for any signs of stress about money. Luckily he is a penny pincher and so we had a lot of savings to live off of, but as time went on, those savings began to seriously dwindle. Every now and then I would see the panic set in with him, which would always send me off in a downward spiral.
The last few months have been the worst as I watched him go from being picky about what jobs he would consider to being willing to take anything that paid a reasonable amount of money. I saw sides of him I had never seen before and was powerless to help him. All I could do was offer love and support along with words of encouragement.
Then yesterday afternoon, he got the call we have been waiting almost 12 months for, he got a job!
At first I was excited and so relieved. Finally! Finally! A huge weight had been lifted off our shoulders. But then as I went to call my dad to give him the good news, the reality of the situation set in. Before my dad could answer, I was on the verge of tears. My daughter would be going to daycare. My sweet baby girl, whom I fought so hard to get here, and whom had been living the past 9 months at home blissfully with dad, was going to daycare.
I told my dad the news, and then broke down crying for the next half hour. I was so excited and so happy, yet I was so sad and upset. I hate those moments where you feel complete polar opposites with your emotions and there is no middle ground. I was so torn. I know daycare is a good thing. She will have structure, she will be taught, she will learn socialization skills, and all of those other good things. I am sad because she WILL get sick. I know its good because it will build her immune system, but what mother wants to see her child sick and be powerless to bring much comfort?
Now let us not forget all of the preparations that need to be made before she can even go to daycare... like finding one at the last minute! Luckily, I am pretty sure that will not be a problem. We're going to look at a couple facilities tomorrow, both have room, and both are highly accredited. On top of which, I have heard nothing but the best about them from coworkers whose children also attend there. That's not really the part that has my undies in a bunch, its all of the prep work I have to do to get her there. I'm going to need supplies for her to attend. Diapers, wipes in a tub, extra clothes, formula, bottles, baby food, etc. Yes, I already have most of those things, but I have to buy some just for the daycare center, and I have to get everything packed up before Monday.
On top of this, I was scheduled to take my car to a body shop on Monday after work because she is getting repainted after the Texas sun was so brutal to her the last 18 months. This whole business of getting jobs and daycare threw a little wrench in those plans, but I got it ironed out pretty quickly. I'm smart like that.
Now don't get me wrong. I am still so excited about this. In fact, when I woke up this morning most of the trepidation and fear I was feeling the night before were gone. I was onto being happy and relieved, looking at all of the positives.
Remember this post? It was all about our recent financial struggle. My prayers have been answered.
And remember this post? The financial side I alluded to had to do with DH getting this exact job. I asked R if DH would get this job. His answer, "I see two yeses, but a hesitation on your husband's part." DH was interviewed by two people. He accepted the job offer yesterday, and today a job was posted by another employer doing almost the exact same thing for 1.5 times as much money. He has been called by three different recruiters today for this job. Guess who is hesitating tonight? I have to admit, R is on way more than he is off. Am I the only one who finds that kind of ironic?
I think the next week or so will be rough as everyone in this house, including our dogs, adjusts to DH going off to work every day. I mean, that hasn't happened since we've been married! The adjustment period is always the hardest for me. I like being in the swing of things. It will only be a matter of time before everyone is accustomed to the way things are and will be from here on out. It is a good change, and one that we are all looking forward too.
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