Tuesday, February 2, 2010

My Phoenix, Part 1

My sweet blog friend Noelle asked me to rewrite my post about the session with my shrink in which I realized the Positivity in my Top 5 was true. How could I deny a request from such a dear friend? It does come with a caveat, however; Noelle, you will have to write a post for me in return. The details will be at the end of this post. ;)

During one of my favorite sessions with my shrink, I was trying to work through some issues I still had remaining with an old friend. Unlike most of our sessions, this one morphed through many phases of my life, all of which showed I truly am a positive person at heart, even when it doesn't feel like it.

The first thing we discussed that day was my demised relationship with an old friend of mine. We had been friends for 21 years, but the friendship was extremely toxic. The straw that finally broke the camel's back between us was my battle with infertility. Even though she had experienced infertility first hand, she could not handle the thought of my getting pregnant before her. No matter how much hell I went through. No matter how much money I flushed down the drain trying to be a mother. It was all a competition to her, and one that she had to beat me to the finish line with (in the end she didn't). Needless to say, the friendship ended very bitterly, and I spent the next two years trying to let all of it go.

As I talked through and tried to tackle my current issues in that session, my shrink asked if anything positive had come out of ending the relationship. I looked up at her, smiled, and told her, "Absolutely." I had learned to appreciate my new friends so much more. I learned how to become a better friend. Because that friendship ended, many sprung up in its place, and the new ones made the old one look shallow. There isn't a day or a moment that goes by that I don't thank God for my new friends and for the relationships we have. They are so much deeper, and so much more meaningful. Additionally, my love for them is reciprocated, which is something I never had with the old one.

I now have FOUR best friends, and each one of them knows exactly how I feel about them. They know about the old friend and how it all ended. I tell them all of the time how much I appreciate them and the friendships we have. They all care as much about me as I do them, and they tell me as often as I tell them. I never had that with my old friend. We may have been "friends" for a long time, but we were never friends. Not really. Not like we should have been.

There is no question in my mind that even though I don't like how it ended, it had to be done so that we could both move on to bigger and better friendships.

To prevent this post from being a mile long, I will split this session up into three posts, since there were three major aspects of the appointment. Stay tuned for installment #2!

But before I sign off, I want to ask Noelle to please write a blog post about where she sees her life a year from now. I want you to truly think about it, and go deep down to what your heart tells you it sees. You don't have to write it if you don't want to. You can even send me a comment if you would prefer, or ignore the request all together. My intention here is to get you to see your life as you want it to be. Loads of love sweetie! I am thinking of you constantly!


Noelle said...

I am looking forward to your series of "The Phoenix!" Thank you for writing it :) I would love to write a post about where I see myself in a year. Today I will think about it, and I will put that post up soon. Thank you for giving me such an uplifting writing task. You are precious.

AnxiousMummyto3 said...

Was there a part 3 which went to the blog post graveyard? My sidebar is showing that? Anyway, you are in such a great place right now, I think, compared to the negative crap you had to go through in your relationship with your friend.
Looking forward to reading the rest-having internet issues again so if I don't comment, that's why!

Saige said...

R, you didn't miss it. The blog accidentally posted when I hit Enter instead of backspace. I had to pull it back. It will post again in a couple days though!

Suzanne said...

I'm so sorry that you had to end the friendship that you referred to, but you're right - sometimes you have to get rid of the old to make room for the new and the new can be so much better! It reminds me of the time when I finally got up the courage to stop all contact with my former fiance (who was a real jerk) and then I met my sweet, caring, and loving DH a month after that!

Potters said...

I am glad you are done with that friendship and have moved on to bigger better ones :) You truely are a positive person to be around.