I got an email from my MIL the day before my birthday. In it she told me that she wished me a very happy birthday and hoped that my day was special. She told me she had had a song running through her head about me and attached it to her email. The song was, "You are al.ways on my mi.nd." I know the song well because there is a version by the Pe.t Sho.p Bo.ys that I listen to, so I didn't need to open the MP3 to hear the words.
Her email bothered me for so many reasons. The first one being that the last time we communicated (a week ago) we both decided we were done with this shit. And by this shit I mean our relationship. We bid each other a fond adieu, vowing to never speak again. I skipped happily away and sent off birthday announcements and letters about the Munchkin's first year of life to everyone in her family, except her. But that is what I had promised her. I told her if she couldn't straighten up then I was done with her and that included involving her in my daughter's life. She didn't seem to care, just like she didn't seem to care about how hurtful she was to me during my infertility treatments by telling me it was all my fault I couldn't get pregnant (yes, she really did).
At this point, I don't think her email was to me so much as it was her sad realization that she blew her relationship with me, and by default, with her granddaughter. She thought she had called my bluff about not sending her anymore pictures or correspondence regarding my daughter. Oops on her part. I think the shocking truth hit her when her ex-husband received a picture and letter, but she didn't. I was serious folks. Somehow she missed the memo.
I grew weary of our back and forth emails last week. The whole chain of them was tiresome and so filled with drama. It ended with my telling her I was sorry, but that I was done trying. I had had a belly full and was walking away.
Then comes her email this week.
I have thought so many times in the past year and a half that she was extending an olive branch only to have her turn around and bite me. In fact, at one point I asked her what she was doing because she was sending such crazy mixed signals. One second she was friendly and the next she was downright mean for no reason at all. So she will have to excuse me if I don't jump at this perceived olive branch. I have no idea what evil is attached to the other end, but every other branch that has been offered up had a bear trap attached. I just don't have it in me to accept it again. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I'm not ready to be the shamed party again.
I'm not sure where I am going with this post, but I felt like it needed to be written. If only for me to get my thoughts out in front of me where I can analyze them more clearly. I think the bottom line for me is I am tired of getting bitten by her. I meant it when I said I was done with her. I don't want back into this stupid game. I don't think I will reply to her email. I just don't have anything to say.
And yes, she does come up with my sessions with the Shrink. She and my Old Friend can live in the same dumpster together because I am done with both of them.