Monday, April 19, 2010

Nothing Will Change

With the recent death of my husband's grandpa, his mother has suddenly come into money. DH says he always thought his grandpa was a millionaire. He was in the oil industry for many years and never wanted for spare change. When he passed, he spread his wealth equally among his three daughters. Two of whom used what was available to them growing up and went to college, got degrees, and are now successful business women. My husband's mom, however, chose to run off, become a hippy, smoke weed out her ass, and marry the first man her dad didn't like: DH's dad. As a result, she spent most of her adult life penniless, scraping just to get by. I won't go into the rest of her story, because it is all more of the same.

I also won't get into what makes me really angry about the current situation.

Now, however, now she is a wealthy woman. I am sure she will squander loads of her inheritance on booze and pot. She has been telling us for the last couple of years she thinks her days are numbered. I am not sure if she says that because there is something wrong with her, or because she is being dramatic and thinks that telling us such a story will make us want to put up with her seriously cruel attitude. Either way, I never cared. There is NO reason for her to treat people the way she does. NONE.

When DH went to his grandpa's funeral this weekend (the Munchkin and I couldn't go because we couldn't afford the flights), I asked him to please collect the photos, photo album, and photo calendar I made for his grandpa for Christmas and have been sending since that time. When he asked why, I told him just because I wanted them back. I explained all of his family had been given similar items, and no one would have the need for the ones I gave to his grandpa. In all honesty, I didn't want HER to have them. I gave his grandpa way more pictures than I ever gave her, and he had more recent ones from the baby's birthday, which she did not receive because we called our relationship quits just before the Munchkin's birthday.

When he asked for them, apparently his mother threw a shit fit.

Let me pretend to be surprised.

Nope, can't do it.

I knew she would be pissed off. I knew it would grate her. And you know what? I'm kind of glad.

She told DH he would have to ask his aunts, as though those items were now in the possession of the three of them and I no longer had any right to them.

His aunts told her to knock it off and to send them back to me, that that is what their dad would have wanted. They already have their pictures, and they know she does too. Whether or not they know I will no longer send her updated photos of the baby, I don't know. But what I can say is that DH's aunts WILL still receive updated photos, cards, and all manner of things his mother won't because she cannot be nice to me to save her life.

I sincerely hope that she doesn't think that just because she is now a wealthy woman that our relationship will change. I could care less about her new bank account. My relationships with people are not based on money. My world does not, never has, and never will revolve around money. She can leave her mula to her worthless son (obviously not DH), and like her, he can blow it all on booze and weed. I just don't give a damn.

My respect and dignity cannot be bought for any price.

My daughter is not for sale either.

Just as before her father died, our relationship is still over. I still will not email her. I still won't send her pictures or updates of the baby. I won't email or call her when I get pregnant next, or bring another child into this world. I still want nothing to do with her, and I still don't want her negativity in my life. I do, however, still wish her all the best, as I always do with everyone who leaves my life, on good terms or bad.


Fran said...

This is such a difficult situation, obviously she isn't part of your life and that's just a fact. If your DH is of the same opinion then there's little to discuss. Of course thinking of a woman of such age smoking and drinking like a hippy teenager...well I rather keep my thoughts to myself at this stage!
Much love, Fran

Heather said...

You husband's mother is a heifer too. She actually asked her NON-dead mother for her inheritance prior to her death so she could get plastic surgery (you can't suck the fat out of a snake and make it less of a snake!). I empathize with you. I adore you. xxx

Potters said...

What a sad life your MIL has! It just goes to show that your choices in life will always effect you. I am so glad she dropped DH off at Grandpa's house when she did. He is a great man.

AnxiousMummyto3 said...

I'm so sorry she was such a cow about you getting the photos back. I'm familiar with how nuts she is given how long I've been reading your blog, so I'm not surprised. But seriously? She was a total cow. You're right to have no contact with her, she is totally toxic and you don't need that. Are you totally back now??
I read that endo post too btw-very interesting stuff!

Suzanne said...

Unfortunately, it's been my personal experience to observe that sometimes when death occurs in a family it brings out the absolute worst in people even if they are normally kind and caring people.

In this case it's bringing out the worst in your MIL and since her behavior is normally awful that's not good. This situation is amplifying it.

I'm sorry to hear that she won't return the photos, photo album, and photo calendar that you made for your DH's grandpa. That's terrible.

You're in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there!

Life Happens said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your DH's grandfather. Even sadder to hear that your MIL is still acting so immature. I hope you get your pictures back.

Money won't buy happiness and there's nothing more important in life than your family.

Jennifer said...

Wow. I am so sorry about that situation. She sounds very immature and selfish. It sounds like you are doing what's right for you and that's the best thing. So sorry you've had to deal with it though.