Sunday, December 20, 2009

Pardon Me While I Scream

I just wrote up and published a post I am thinking I should have left up, but I deleted it, and now I wish I hadn't because at least it was somewhat funny. But then I remembered I actually had something to blog about. So here goes.

My husband has a half brother whom I have only met twice. Once before we were married and again on our wedding day. The guy kind of creeps me out. He's one of those dudes who pretends to be all smooth with the ladies, but he just makes you want to go burn your clothes and take a shower after he walks away. He and my husband do not get along. At all. I won't go into the details of their relationship beyond saying they don't talk. In fact, when we got married, I told my husband if we ever had kids, I didn't want his brother around them. EVER. I even went so far as to say I preferred our children to think DH was an only child, to which he agreed.

His brother has called my phone a few times since DH and I got married, in an attempt to talk to my husband. You would think that if DH didn't answer his phone that should be a sign your call is not wanted. The last time his brother called my phone and I answered, DH ripped him a new one and told him never to call my number again. Shortly after our baby was born, he called DH's phone and then mine and left a creepy message telling us congrats on the baby. I deleted it before it was over.

We have recently decided that we are going to spend this Christmas with DH's grandpa, who also dislikes DH's brother. So much so that when his brother talked to his grandpa at our wedding, his grandpa didn't so much as acknowledge his existence. It was harsh and awkward.

We were supposed to go spend Thanksgiving with his grandpa, but the baby got really sick the day we were supposed to head down, and the doctor told us we absolutely should not expose his grandpa to the baby. We found out on Thanksgiving that DH's brother was there and both of us thanked God and the baby that she had gotten us out of going.

When we decided to go for Christmas, my stupid brain didn't even think about the possibility that DH's brother would be there... until Friday when I got an email from my MIL asking if we could please stop on our way down and pick him up.

I was seriously repulsed! Something I had been looking forward to turned into something I no longer wanted to do. If it wasn't for the fact we think it his grandpa's last Christmas, I would bail. Not only that, but I don't want the guy around my child! I don't want him touching her or looking at her. I don't want her to know he exists! And then to think of him sitting in my car with my baby?!?!?! I'd rather drive off a cliff!

I sent the email to DH and he told me to reply that we weren't going that way to his grandpa's, so I did. Then on Saturday I saw a new email from my MIL asking if we could please take DH's brother home from his grandpa's, since I had already told her we were probably going that way to visit DH's friends on our way home. I looked at DH and told him HE needed to address this. Its HIS mother and HIS brother, so HE needs to take care of it. I am not going to do that dirty work for him. I wouldn't expect him to do it if the tables were turned, so he needs to do it. I also told him that if his brother does come for Christmas and asks at any point in time to hold the baby or do anything with her, he has to step up IMMEDIATELY and tell him no. I told him it isn't my brother, so it is HIS job to keep his brother at bay.

As much as I wish his brother wasn't going to be there, and as much as I don't want the guy touching my child, I know both things are inevitable, which chaps my hide. I just might be taking my bottle of Xan.ex down there with me. I have very unfortunate family connections by marriage. *sigh*

Anyway, I just needed to vent that out to the bloggosphere in hopes that somehow the universe will keep his brother from showing up this Christmas. I am amazed his grandpa is allowing it, considering he ignores the guy's existence. Hopefully he won't be around very much... please God....


AnxiousMummy said...

Ugh, sweetie, I am so sorry. What a horrible situation. I really, really hope it is all ok and that your time around him is very limited. I see where you are coming from about making the most of time with DH's grandpa. If it was me, I'd do the same too. Hope it all works out okay! xx

Noelle said...

Okay, I am wondering if your DH's half-brother is my step-brother??? Oh, but that would make me your DH's sister, and I would know about that.

I totally know what you mean about keeping your baby away from him. When I have a baby, I will NOT allow my step-brother to touch it. He has been in jail and lots of other things...ewwwwwwww.......

I agree that it is your hubby's job to talk to his mother and to his brother. Until his half-brother proves himself, he does not deserve to be around your baby. Or hold it. Or whatever you decide to do. This is a tough one. Will you still attend Christmas with them? This year I have decided that I will not be exposing myself to my dad's family and I feel quite good about it. You are the protector of your family, so good job for being a good mother bear!

I have dealt with this situation for the last 18 years, and when my dad's family was so cruel to me this year after my miscarriage, I decided that they don't deserve my presence in their home. And it feels scary that I am doing this, but right. You may not need to go to that extreme because I am sure that you love the rest of them. But in your heart, you know who you need to keep your baby away from.

I wish you the best. What a hard situation!

I noticed that neither you or I have our email's shown. I need to ask you a question, and I hate to put it in your comments, but I know you would understand. The ICLW starts today, and I feel terrible because of my situation, and I hate it that innocent women will be stumbling on my blog this week. What should I do? I don't know the proper etiquette for this. I am going to post something now. Please come and check it out and let me know what you think. Thank you so much! I don't want to hurt anyone and I can't take my name off of it!

Jill said...

Yikes, hope you guys make it through the experience ok. Just make sure your baby is always supervised with him and then hopefully it can't get too bad. Good luck and I hope you can still enjoy the day!

Wifey said...

You're stuck between a rock and a hard place! I'm so sorry that you are being put in such an uncomfortable position and I do hope that Christmas goes smoothly for you, DH, and the baby.


Life Happens said...

Wow, what family drama! I hope your hubby puts his foot down and you guys don't get stuck driving him back!!

I hope you can still enjoy your holiday with your family, despite the creepy BIL.

Parenthood For Me said...

That is unfortunate. I hope your christmas isn't ruined. ICLW

Potters said...

Man I hate having to be around people that give off the "dirty old man" vibes. I hope he ends up not going.