Monday, December 28, 2009

Gearing Up

Sorry I haven't been around the last few days. DH and I went to his grandpa's for Christmas and I haven't had internet access since we left Wednesday night. Well, I have, but it is via my phone, and while the technology is great, it still isn't that great yet. I did catch up on some blogs while I was away, but was unable to comment. As it is midnight, my catching up may have to wait until tomorrow. :( I did want to do a quick post tonight before turning in though.

Our Christmas this year was awesome. Of course the baby factor helped boost that through the roof. But in addition to that, I got some great gifts. DH finally bought me a Wi.i. I know, we are seriously behind the times. Those things came out like what, 4 years ago? I'm just glad we are finally joining the ranks. The funny thing is, he didn't want one because he didn't think he would play it. He bought me the console along with two games... and then he bought two games for him. HA! Not only that, but he has played it more than I have so far. I like to laugh at him for that.

Today I went out and bought the Wi.i fit because that is really what I wanted all along. I played a bunch of the games tonight and holy cow, they really do work you! I think this combined with joining Wei.ght Wat.chers at work and taking yoga classes at work will really help me finally shed my infertility weight. In addition to that, I am hoping it boosts our ability to conceive #2 when we're ready in just under two months.

When it comes to being back in the TTC #2 saddle, I can honestly say I am gearing up for the battle already. I have a stock of pregnancy tests and a stock of OPKs in my cupboard. Not only that, but I ordered vitamins today that supposedly help boost your conception ability. I'm hoping that with all of the steps I'm taking we won't end up back in the infertility chair again. I find that the closer I get to being able to get back on the horse, the more I want to be sure I'm ready. I've got to pack the saddle bags for the journey.

The sad thing is, I kind of feel my naivety creeping back in. The bitter infertile part of me has been pushed to the back of my brain for so long I feel giddy at our chances when we are ready to start trying again. That kind of scares me. I don't like being naive when it comes to this kind of thing. I enjoy having the thoughts, "Wouldn't it be great if we got pregnant almost right away?" But at the same time, the infertile in me wants to give myself a good slap across the cheek. Then I remind myself that I'm not back in the saddle yet and I just need to remember not to get too excited, but that it is okay to get a little excited. I just pray that my next journey on that horse is easier than the last one.

I know that our first month will be a throw away while my body gets used to not being on any form of birth control. The second month might be a throw away too, but only time will tell.

I guess we'll find out in a few month's time if R was right about his prediction for when we would conceive. All of his readings have been spot on so far.

That reminds me, I doubt anyone really notices, but I deleted all of my blog posts regarding my old friend. They're all gone! I came to the realization this weekend that I was completely over it. Every time a thought of her pops into my head, it is instantly snuffed out with an, "I just don't care." The frequency of my thoughts about her has dropped off to maybe one or two a day from a dozen or so a day. I no longer think about her, or care. Whenever I feel her trying to creep back in, I send out a vibe that says, "I don't care. I want you out of my life for good. Its over. Don't contact me. Don't think about me. We're DONE." This time, unlike every other time in the past, I mean it. It is so liberating!

Anyway, its almost 12:30, so I am going to run off to bed. I will catch up on blogs tomorrow. I hope you all had a wonderful, and safe Christmas.

But before I run away completely, I just want to give a shout out to Noelle and tell her congrats on her pregnancy! Keep your feet on the ground sweetie and your thoughts in the right place. This pregnancy will work!

P.S. My creepy BIL didn't make it to Christmas at grandpa's. Praise be to heaven, the day was PERFECT!


AnxiousMummyto3 said...

Hey Saige,
what a coincidence! I got one too. I also now have the Wii Fit! Great news about your BIL-I was thinking about that. It's good you're feeling positive about TTC'ing. I will try to check about your primary blog soon!

Life Happens said...

Sounds like you had a great Christmas. Love the W.ii. Hope you have lots of fun with it.

Great way to get a kick start into the new year by deleting your old friend from your blog. You don't need that negativity around anymore.

I hope and pray that 2010 will bring your many blessings!!

Parenthood For Me said...

That's awesome that BIL didn't come. You should read my latest post. It coincides with this one.

Noelle said...

Thank you so much for giving me a shout out. I feel so special! I wanted to thank you so much for your thoughtful comments. They really, really help me. One resonated particularly tonight, and that was when you said I have fixated on my miscarriage. You are SO right. I have never thought about it like that. That really brings it into perspective for me.

I am excited for you to get back into the ttc saddle. I think it is great that you are so excited about it. You are such a positive person and a positive thinker, and I think that it will only help you. Why go into the "battle" thinking negative thoughts? (pot calling kettle black here) You never could happen quickly for you this time around. You have already carried a baby successfully and your body knows what to do now. Doing the weight watchers and yoga is going to help tremendously as well.

I think it is great that you erased those posts about your friend! Your attitude about her is VERY healthy and I can tell that your brain and heart have really found some peace with this.

By the way...When did R predict you would conceive? I don't remember the month.

I am glad that your BIL didn't come. Thank goodness. How wonderful it must have been to spend Christmas with your little baby and your family! You have exciting things coming up this year, and maybe by next Christmas there will be another baby? :)

Saige said...

You are a sweetie Noelle. I'm so glad I am able to help you in your rough patches. I really enjoy being able to be here for you. :)

As for R's prediction, he said May-June with the birth in January-February. It will be interesting to see if he was spot on again!

Potters said...

Wow I really wish I had something really comforting to say about when you start to try again but I really don't. I hope that if any challenges in that department comes up that you will be able to make them through it. I will be here for you in the meantime. I am glad that you decided to go back and delete all the postings about your old friend. I hope you find much more joy in your new friends. I hope that R is right about baby #2.